Adoption-friendly family trees
At some point, almost every child will have to tackle a family tree school project. Classic family tree assignments assume every kid comes from an intact biological family with one mom and one dad, which can leave adopted kids feeling confused, left out, and sad. These alternative family trees welcome kids from all families to […]
Word on the street: Violet-Rose
An interview with adult ally and youth in care advocate Violet-Rose Pharoah. What inspires you to make art and be a part of art projects that focus on the experiences of foster care? As someone who is naturally quiet and introverted, I find that art provides the opportunity for me to explore and express my […]
Shame and the adopted child
Catherine is the co-founder of the non-profit organization We Are Adopted/Adoptees Association. In this article she draws on her personal experience as an adoptee and an adoptive mother as well as her professional experience as a registered clinical counsellor to explain why shame and adoption are so intertwined. Shadowed by shame Shame is something that […]
Opinion: Black lives matter in Canada, too
Racism: a Canadian reality Here in Canada, anti-black racism is usually denied, ignored, and played down. The classic response from non-black Canadians to mentions of systemic anti-black racism and injustice is “well, there is more racism in the US than there is here”. This irks me to my core because it shuts down conversation and dismisses […]
Permanency matters!
Their lives, their words, their voices: why we should listen and what we can do. Permanency: a priority for youth In June, the Federation of BC Youth in Care Networks (FBCYICN) released their 2016 YouthSpeak Research Report. It’s the result of two years of consultation with hundreds of BC youth in and from foster care between […]
Open hearts, open wounds
My daughter Libby was born as I held her birth mother Carla’s hand, breathing with her through the agony of labour. When her daughter drew her first breath, Carla looked at me and said, “Congratulations on your new baby.” Then she asked me to cut the umbilical cord. I was overwhelmed by a staggering mix […]
Social media and adoption
Learn the benefits and pitfalls of social media as it relates to openness and relationship management in adoption. Adoption and Social Media: What does it means for you and your adopted child/ren? Social media has transformed all of our lives and adoption is no exception. The pace of social media uptake has led to an explosion of […]
My transition from foster care into an adoptive home
Transitioning can be different for every person. For my brother and I it was a different experience for the both of us… I was not completely ready for the transition and had run away for a few days to, in a way, help clear my mind. My brother on the other hand went easily. Once […]
Adopted voice: Whose son, whose daughter
The question of a lifetime The complexity of my adoption story makes it a challenge to tell, but telling it is, I think, essential. It’s a way to preserve memories of the living and dead, to lend their lives some meaning, and to give thanks for the good fortune of having been raised by loving […]
Meet the Alexander family
Three years ago, Dave and Juanita Alexander found themselves halfway around the world with 18 suitcases, 12 carry-ons, a year’s worth of supplies and four children. Dave and Juanita, have collectively lived and worked in five countries (including Canada), and have four beautiful children through adoption. In 2012, they uprooted their lives to move to […]
Striving for permanency: Stories of youth in and from care
Everyone deserves a permanent family. Meet five BC youth who have experienced foster care, aged out of care, or been adopted. These courageous individuals share their stories because they believe all youth in care deserve lasting connections that continue after they turn 19.
Rooted in rituals
Everyday occasions A ritual, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is “a prescribed order of performing religious or other devotional service.” Rituals take place on occasions like Hanukkah, Easter, the Lunar New Year, birthdays, and Thanksgiving. They don’t have to be religious in nature; baking Christmas cookies with your mom and sister is as much […]
Finding family online
All over the world, people are using the Internet to seek out information about their roots. It’s now the norm for adoptees and birthparents to use social media to search for missing pieces of their biological puzzle without any need for detectives, red tape, agencies, or intermediaries. Things have changed so fast that parents, educators, […]
Adopted voice: Looking homeward
I remember the noise the most. Car engines idled noxious gasses into the air; heavy footsteps snapped across well-worn concrete. The delicious yet unfamiliar smells of Asian street food filled my nostrils. I stood close to my parents, at the edge of a street corner. Together, we gazed across the road to a building. Above […]
A waiting parent’s plea
Inspiration from Alberta For 32 years, Alberta has profiled children in need of adoption on their weekly Wednesday’s Child TV program. For 12 years, the province has also successfully profiled “harder to place” children on a public website. These campaigns regularly generate new applications from potential parents who go on to be matched with waiting […]
Meet the Berg family
Adoption: a lifelong dream Janice’s interest in adoption started when she was just a little girl. She remembers one of her favourite childhood games was to play “adoption agency” with her dolls. She’d line them all up on her bedroom floor and then choose one or two to “adopt.” That idea obviously had staying power. […]
Q&A with the Asante Centre: FASD and adoption
Allison Pooley is the Program Director at the Asante Centre. She assists individuals, family members, and service providers in understanding the diagnostic process as well as the implications for providing integrated post-assessment supports and services. Allison has been involved in FASD prevention and intervention efforts for numerous years both in northern B.C. and the Lower Mainland, […]
Finding my abilities
I grew up in care from two years old until I turned 18. I don’t remember much of my first foster home or much of my childhood. My mom abused me, and I ended up with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was also diagnosed with fetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD). I do remember moving into […]
Making friends while growing up in care
If you’re adopted or in care, it can be difficult to make and keep friends. So many things are always going on in your life. There might be attachment anxieties, loss and grief, and issues with separating from what you were once comfortable with. Change is really hard because you’re trying to figure out “why” […]
FASD and epigenetics
In this instalment of Q&A, we talk with Western University (Ontario) researcher Ben Laufer about the latest science on FASD and how it influences our genetics. What is epigenetics? Traditionally, science has told us that children are the sum of their parents’ genetics. Recently, though, we’ve discovered that it’s actually much more complicated. Just think […]
Occupational therapy for adoptive families
Find out how an Occupational Therapist can help you build your adoptive family in this informational video. Drawing on your community’s resources is a great way to build a resilient adoptive family. In this one-hour video, learn how an Occupational Therapist can help you! Topics covered will be: areas in which an OT can help […]
Many doors, no master key
Brandan’s story – and mine As the adoptive parent of 10 children with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders, I know how difficult it can be to access services and develop a support network for people with FASDs. I regularly give presentations about FASD to groups, using the story of my son Brandan’s life (with his full […]
Adopted Voice: It’s not about gratitude
My adoption story Prior to my adoption, I lived in Tennessee with my birth mother (in utero) and then spent one year in foster care. Doctors’ assessments of my potential medical issues deterred black families from adopting me, so a white couple with experience parenting children with special needs was selected. I moved across the […]
Our journey
It’s been hard to see my things destroyed, my personal space obliterated and my patience shattered. It’s been an adjustment to keep up with multiple appointments, lack of information and countless phone calls. It’s been a struggle to not ask too much, push too hard or back off too far. We’ve been through nightmares, perfect […]
Meet the Eisler family
Within our first year of being married, my husband and I knew that building our family may come by way of adoption. I suffered from debilitating but undiagnosed pain, and doctors raised the possibility of a hysterectomy. It took another 14 years of pain and failed attempts to conceive before I found a doctor who […]
Adult adoption: My journey
A story of two unconventional adoptions This is the story of an adoption that seemed like it would never happen, but that worked out almost miraculously in the end. I was adopted twice. In the first year of my life my adoptive mother and I were united in an unconventional way. At the age of […]
Making the holidays happy for your family
Cathy, along with her amazing partner, Dave, is parent to 16 children: four by birth and twelve by adoption, aged from 33 down to 12 years of age. She has nine grandchildren with number ten on the way. Together, Cathy and Dave have presided over countless holiday celebrations with their everchanging family. We couldn’t think […]
Extreme parenting: Taking charge with love
My kids matter, but I’m in charge I want my kids to know that what they like and what they think matters to me. My predisposition is to say yes to all possibilities. I only say “no” after some consideration. However, my kids were starting to get the impression that it was OK to disrespect […]
5 things I wish I knew then
Hello all, I decided to write this article in the hopes to help those young people who are currently in the process of aging out or who will be aging out fairly soon. Aging out for me was a daunting process as I didn’t have a lot of help and I feel as though this […]
Bulding trust
Growing up in foster care, I had great difficulties trusting others because it seemed that everyone was leaving me and often times fear and ignorance prevent trust. When I first me Joanne and John, I feared that this would be another relationship that would fail. My ignorance and fear got in the way of developing […]
Meet the Singer family
The Singer family household–-home to Leo Andriy, eight, and Jack Bogdan, six-–is full of life. And that’s an understatement. Parents Aaron and Melissa frequently have to raise their voices to be heard over the chaos of the boys’ shouts and laughter. Born in Ukraine, Jack and Leo’s raucous exuberance and impulsive energy has defined the […]
Meet the Calhoun family
Like many couples, John Calhoun and Carly Bates found their way to adoption after experiencing infertility. It wasn’t an out-of-left-field choice for them, though. Carly says she told John on their first date that she wanted to adopt. It just took them a few years to get there. They knew they wanted to experience what […]
What is family?
Family means many things. It can mean biological, foster, adoptive, and/or honorary. The Vanier Institute of the Family defines family as “any combination of two or more persons who are bound together over time by ties of mutual consent, birth and/or adoption or placement and who, together, assume responsibilities for the functions of the family.” […]
Really good reasons to adopt a teen
Why teens think teen adoption is a great idea: Source: You Gotta Believe! Reprinted with permission.
And then there were eight
Rena and husband Jim Jones already had four biological children when they made the brave move to adopt a sibling group of four from the Ministry For Children and Family Development (MCFD) in 1996. Using the logic only the matriarch of an already large family could possibly use, Rena said, they had already fed, nurtured, […]
Mother’s Day and the adoptive Mom
Mother’s Day brings to mind fresh flowers, blueberry pancakes and homemade cards. It’s a day to be spoiled and fêted by family. But for me, an adoptive mother, it’s never as simple as the Hallmark holiday it’s touted to be. Don’t get me wrong: I feel deep joy in my role as mom to my […]
Meet the Yrjana family
Colleen and her husband of 17 years, Jussi, live on Vancouver Island. Colleen, a former foster parent for over 20 years, also has three grown children and three grandkids. Her oldest daughter was a neighborhood kid that came for the weekend and stayed for 28 years, according to Colleen. “We have no legal paperwork, but […]
Meet the Hobbs-Perry family
Wow, we are the parents of two children that just celebrated birthdays. Our daughter just turned three and our son just had his first birthday. The journey to become parents began when I turned 40, and my parental clock went into overdrive. It became clear to me, if I was wanted to make my dreams of […]
Abandonment
The experts claim that abandonment is an issue for all adoptees. How can parents help their children handle their losses? We know that when a mother is considering whether she will be able to raise her child, the stress she experiences affects the developing brain of the fetus. Primed to connect on an unmistakably profound […]
Ask the Expert: Jan Radford
Jan Radford is a Registered Nurse with over 30 years of experience working with children as a clinician, administrator, researcher and educator. She worked with substance-exposed infants and children for many years as a Clinical Nurse Specialist at Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children and in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. In her recent “semi-retirement” she has […]
Most teens do want to be adopted
Social worker Anne Melcombe is a big believer in teen adoption. Why? Because she knows that teens want families and that there are families who want to adopt teens. In this article, we meet some of those parents and the kids they will adopt. Anne Melcombe once asked a group of former foster kids if they […]
Making a lifebook
A lifebook isn’t a baby book, a scrapbook, or a photo album. A lifebook is a detailed account of a child’s life that helps that child make sense of the past and prepare for a successful future. If you haven’t started one for your child, here are some tips to help you get started. Making […]
Ask the expert: When parenting gets tough
“Two years ago we adopted a child of six. We have found parenting him far more difficult than we ever expected, or were prepared for. He has not really settled down and we find his behaviour very demanding. My husband and I are in despair. We don’t know what to do or where to turn.” […]
Parents or children: Whose job is it to change?
I was presenting at a workshop recently and mentioned, in an off-hand way, that I wondered what surprises we would find with our next adoption. A woman in the front row shot up her hand (front row people are like that). “What do you mean your next adoption? You already have nine children. Why would […]
Meeting the challenges of parenting a special needs teen
In her book, The Face In the Mirror, Marion Crook provides an in-depth examination of teens feelings and perceptions about adoption. She says, “Adopted children need reassurance that they are loved and wanted…. Their appetite for proof that their parents love them and will continue to love them may seem insatiable.” Jayne is such a child. […]
How one adoptive family handles racism
In our experience, the best lessons we can offer are those that teach our children to externalize racism and assure them we will always be there for them. Externalizing racism Because my husband and I do not share our children’s racial or cultural backgrounds, we work extra hard to help them develop skills and strategies […]
Q&A: What people ask us about adopting special needs children
Why did you adopt special needs children? At the time we had three birth children who were boys and we wanted to experience raising daughters. We had fostered special needs children for many years and felt we were able to meet the challenges that come with parenting special needs children. How long did it take? […]
Tips for families considering NAS or alcohol-affected babies
Adapted from: Susan Edelstein, Children with Prenatal Alcohol and/or Other Drug Exposure: Weighing the Risks of Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1995. Source: The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute (adoption research and studies).
What it’s like to live with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)
This information applies to any individual who is functionally dependent on others in some specific areas, and who does not learn from correction, or who does not “get” why people are distressed with their behavior. Parents, teachers and support persons of individuals with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) are sometimes faced with episodes of extreme […]
Are you up to parenting a child with FASD?
When I met Susan Bell* in her large, Surrey home, I was immediately struck by how ordered and tidy it seemed, especially considering it’s home to several teens. I had pictured a far more hectic, cluttered place. Susan ushered me into her equally immaculate office, and we spoke for two hours about parenting kids with […]
