Meet the Eisler family
Within our first year of being married, my husband and I knew that building our family may come by way of adoption. I suffered from debilitating but undiagnosed pain, and doctors raised the possibility of a hysterectomy. It took another 14 years of pain and failed attempts to conceive before I found a doctor who […]
Adult adoption: My journey
A story of two unconventional adoptions This is the story of an adoption that seemed like it would never happen, but that worked out almost miraculously in the end. I was adopted twice. In the first year of my life my adoptive mother and I were united in an unconventional way. At the age of […]
Extreme parenting: Taking charge with love
My kids matter, but I’m in charge I want my kids to know that what they like and what they think matters to me. My predisposition is to say yes to all possibilities. I only say “no” after some consideration. However, my kids were starting to get the impression that it was OK to disrespect […]
Bulding trust
Growing up in foster care, I had great difficulties trusting others because it seemed that everyone was leaving me and often times fear and ignorance prevent trust. When I first me Joanne and John, I feared that this would be another relationship that would fail. My ignorance and fear got in the way of developing […]
Meet the Singer family
The Singer family household–-home to Leo Andriy, eight, and Jack Bogdan, six-–is full of life. And that’s an understatement. Parents Aaron and Melissa frequently have to raise their voices to be heard over the chaos of the boys’ shouts and laughter. Born in Ukraine, Jack and Leo’s raucous exuberance and impulsive energy has defined the […]
Inter-country adoption and Canadian immigration
After all, the adoption has been legalized in the foreign country. Isn’t it now legal in Canada too? Isn’t it my right as a Canadian citizen to have my child granted status? The reality is, at least in Citizenship and Immigration Canada’s view, there is no absolute right as a Canadian citizen to have your […]
Meet the Calhoun family
Like many couples, John Calhoun and Carly Bates found their way to adoption after experiencing infertility. It wasn’t an out-of-left-field choice for them, though. Carly says she told John on their first date that she wanted to adopt. It just took them a few years to get there. They knew they wanted to experience what […]
What is family?
Family means many things. It can mean biological, foster, adoptive, and/or honorary. The Vanier Institute of the Family defines family as “any combination of two or more persons who are bound together over time by ties of mutual consent, birth and/or adoption or placement and who, together, assume responsibilities for the functions of the family.” […]
Love me, feed me: part two
Most folks who work with kids and food begin with a question: “What to feed?” There are countless articles and books about how to disguise veggies or sneak in more protein. But without steps one and two in place (the “how” of feeding, or the “feeding relationship”–see “Love Me, Feed Me” part one), step three is […]
Really good reasons to adopt a teen
Why teens think teen adoption is a great idea: Source: You Gotta Believe! Reprinted with permission.
Mother’s Day and the adoptive Mom
Mother’s Day brings to mind fresh flowers, blueberry pancakes and homemade cards. It’s a day to be spoiled and fêted by family. But for me, an adoptive mother, it’s never as simple as the Hallmark holiday it’s touted to be. Don’t get me wrong: I feel deep joy in my role as mom to my […]
Meet the Hobbs-Perry family
Wow, we are the parents of two children that just celebrated birthdays. Our daughter just turned three and our son just had his first birthday. The journey to become parents began when I turned 40, and my parental clock went into overdrive. It became clear to me, if I was wanted to make my dreams of […]
Caring for Indigenous children
Hn’ skʷést Npànkìtc a (My traditional name is Npànkìtc a) and my English name is Loren Sahara. Nłeʔkepmxkn Scw̓éxmxkn ncéweʔ (I am from the Nłeʔkepmx Nation – people of the creeks). As an Indigenous person, a Caring for First Nations Children Society (CFNCS) instructor, and an adoptive parent, I have been witness to a powerful journey of […]
Most teens do want to be adopted
Social worker Anne Melcombe is a big believer in teen adoption. Why? Because she knows that teens want families and that there are families who want to adopt teens. In this article, we meet some of those parents and the kids they will adopt. Anne Melcombe once asked a group of former foster kids if they […]
Making a lifebook
A lifebook isn’t a baby book, a scrapbook, or a photo album. A lifebook is a detailed account of a child’s life that helps that child make sense of the past and prepare for a successful future. If you haven’t started one for your child, here are some tips to help you get started. Making […]
Ask the expert: When parenting gets tough
“Two years ago we adopted a child of six. We have found parenting him far more difficult than we ever expected, or were prepared for. He has not really settled down and we find his behaviour very demanding. My husband and I are in despair. We don’t know what to do or where to turn.” […]
Parents or children: Whose job is it to change?
I was presenting at a workshop recently and mentioned, in an off-hand way, that I wondered what surprises we would find with our next adoption. A woman in the front row shot up her hand (front row people are like that). “What do you mean your next adoption? You already have nine children. Why would […]
Meeting the challenges of parenting a special needs teen
In her book, The Face In the Mirror, Marion Crook provides an in-depth examination of teens feelings and perceptions about adoption. She says, “Adopted children need reassurance that they are loved and wanted…. Their appetite for proof that their parents love them and will continue to love them may seem insatiable.” Jayne is such a child. […]
How one adoptive family handles racism
In our experience, the best lessons we can offer are those that teach our children to externalize racism and assure them we will always be there for them. Externalizing racism Because my husband and I do not share our children’s racial or cultural backgrounds, we work extra hard to help them develop skills and strategies […]
Q&A: What people ask us about adopting special needs children
Why did you adopt special needs children? At the time we had three birth children who were boys and we wanted to experience raising daughters. We had fostered special needs children for many years and felt we were able to meet the challenges that come with parenting special needs children. How long did it take? […]
Tips for families considering NAS or alcohol-affected babies
Adapted from: Susan Edelstein, Children with Prenatal Alcohol and/or Other Drug Exposure: Weighing the Risks of Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1995. Source: The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute (adoption research and studies).
Better adoption transitions
We must never forget that moving a child into a new family is a life-altering event for the child. Focus on Adoption magazine asked social worker Judy Archer for her top three recommendations for transitioning children into a new family. It is almost impossible to narrow down my recommendations to just three. As you know, in my […]
Are you up to parenting a child with FASD?
When I met Susan Bell* in her large, Surrey home, I was immediately struck by how ordered and tidy it seemed, especially considering it’s home to several teens. I had pictured a far more hectic, cluttered place. Susan ushered me into her equally immaculate office, and we spoke for two hours about parenting kids with […]
Suddenly finding family: an adult adoptee tells his story
As a movie critic, I’ve become a collector of celebrity factoids. For example, Jack Nicholson was raised by his grandmother; he grew up unaware that his “elder sister” was actually his birth mother. Compared to that level of secrecy, my folks were extremely open about my parentage. They gave me full disclosure—they just didn’t have […]
Foster mom puts kids first in adoption preparation
Long before I met my children, their foster mom, Vickie, gallantly bestowed upon me the title “Mom.” To the children, this was a significant title indeed. Before the pre-placement visits started, Vickie also started to refer to herself as “Auntie Vickie,” instead of Mom—when there are other birth children in the home, foster children easily […]
Handling culture shock and intercountry adoption
Over the years, psychologist Dr Peter Hotz has worked with scores of adoptive families. He tells me that he has seen adoption from every angle. I’m at his Vancouver office to talk about international, cross-cultural adoptions. Dr Hotz has worked with several the Belonging Network’s families. I can tell immediately that he has synthesized all […]
Jared’s dads on the building blocks of parenthood
Jared is a happy, active toddler. As I visit with his parents, Jared amuses himself with various toys. When he tires of playing alone, he climbs onto a parental lap and plays “Got your nose” or tries to engage in a game of tickle or playful roughhousing. In between interacting with or checking on Jared, his parents lovingly […]
Reunion in international adoption
“Aren’t you interested in visiting Vietnam?” “Don’t you want to look for your birth parents?” “As soon as I save enough money, I’m planning to go to Bangladesh to search for my birth family.” These are a few of the questions and comments directed at our 22-year-old son, who up to that time had never […]
Adoption against all the odds
The following story is far from typical-most BC families that adopt from the US have a much easier experience. This story speaks to the immense strength of the desire to become parents. Despite the enormous difficulty of their journey, the couple we feature here persevered. That is a characteristic of many adoptive families-it is a […]
Conceiving Family: A filmmaker’s journey to adoption
A BC film explores the bravery, determination, and humour it takes to rise above the legal systems, societal prejudices, and personal fears inherent in starting a family through adoption. Nelson, BC-based filmmaker Amy Bohigian’s documentary film, Conceiving Family, follows her and partner Jane Byers’ journey to becoming a family, and combines personal interviews, intimate footage and […]
When birth parents change their minds
Though they are rare, and most adoptions go through seamlessly, revocations by birth parents happen. In BC, birth parents have 30 days from the time their child is born to change their minds and decide to parent their child. Usually those 30 days pass by, albeit slowly, and the parents can breathe a sigh of […]
Mail brings unexpected connection
When Chelsea was adopted, her young birthmom gave a letter, photo, bracelet, and blanket to her daughter. At first, her adoptive parents sent letters and photos via their social worker. Then each family moved and contact was lost—until now. When I was a little girl, I used to love to jump out of the car […]
Journey to recovery
This powerful story was the keynote speech at Growing Together: a retreat for parents of persons with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) in January 2010. Hi, my name is Nicolas. First of all, I’d like to thank the organizers of this retreat for asking me here to share with you. I’d also like to thank […]
Openness agreements—building bridges between people
Openness in adoption enables members of the adoption circle to maintain family and cultural connections and relationships, and assists the child in developing a strong, healthy identity.” This is one of the five core values guiding the adoption practice for BC’s Waiting Children, and one that is contributing to the changing nature of adoption. Led […]
The grandmother clause
The impact of including grandparents in the adoption (and post-adoption) process. The impact of open adoption on birth and adoptive families is only beginning to be understood. Recent research explores the perspectives of birth grandmothers who had direct contact with their birth grandchildren. The findings clearly demonstrate some of the benefits and challenges of open […]
The complexity of adoption ethics
In this discussion paper, I hope to open a door for reflection and discussion within the adoption community, meaning adoption agencies, support services, and adoptive and prospective adoptive parents. It is time to examine our underlying values and biases in adoption, and address how the adoptive system advantages some, while disadvantaging others. When my husband and […]
Grandmother struggles with parenting second time around
Five years ago Sophie Perkins* was an empty nester in her fifites with a busy career. She had no idea that she was soon to become a full-time mother again. Though Sophie knew that her daughter-in-law and son weren’t parenting their children adequately, as she lived some distance from the family, she didn’t have a […]
Romanian adoption research
These are the findings of Dr. Elinor Ames’ research on the Development of Romanian Children Adopted to Canada. In 1990, Dr. Ames, an adoptive parent and professor of developmental psychology at BC’s Simon Fraser University, began her research on the effects of institutionalization on children adopted to BC from Romanian orphanages. That same year, 1013 […]
Casey worth the five year wait
The decision Celine and husband Dan Green live in a small town nestled in the BC mountains. Like many, they could not produce children biologically and found the intercountry adoption option too costly. However, they were sure about one thing: They wanted children. As independent business people well connected to their small community, said Celine,”we […]
Explaining the need to know my birth family
“If I were an adoptee, I think I’d want to search for my birth parents. I’d be curious, I think,” Cathy tells me. “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to,” says Joanne. “I was raised by my biological parents and I may look like them, but I am nothing like them in personality. Who cares whose […]
The homestudy explained
Social worker Carol Blake demystifies what can seem to be a nerve wracking and intrusive process-the adoption homestudy. Quick! Vacuum the rug, dust the furniture, alphabetize the spice rack, the social worker is coming over! The day has finally arrived; your social worker is coming over to start the homestudy. What does she want to […]
The proposal process explained
Cathy Gilbert has been through the MCFD proposal process dozens of times (she’s adopted 11 children). Here, she shares what she’s learned. Accepting a proposal is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make—it needs to an informed one. Once parents, or a social worker have seen a potential child and parent match, information is […]
Let’s celebrate!
Incorporating cultural traditions in your new family Adopting a child is a time to celebrate. But beyond the initial celebration of the arrival of your new child, how can you incorporate new traditions and celebrations into your life? If your child has another country or culture in their background, it is important to share the […]
Living openness: On showing up
Getting to know you Someone once said that “ninety percent of life is showing up.” This is particularly true in open adoption – something I learned from my son’s birth dad, William. We met William, and his very pregnant girlfriend Sierra, four years ago. He was late, and we were nervous. Sierra’s mother had blown […]
Navigating anxiety
I have always been anxious. I didn’t recognize it until my mid 30s, when I went through full-blown, severe anxiety and depression. After months of hell, I saw the pain as the message it was: “you need to change.” During a lengthy process of growth and learning, I looked back and saw the patterns of […]
The truth about confabulation
Is it lying? No, it’s confabulation and there’s a big difference! Time and time again we hear from adoptive parents that one of the hardest behaviours to take is children lying to them. They experience the lie as a personal affront, a show of disrespect, and a harbinger of anti-social behaviour to come. There are […]
What is open adoption?
Ask five people what their definition of open adoption is and you are likely to get five answers. Some may think that allowing an expectant parent to choose the prospective adoptive parents from a profile of non-identifying information is an open adoption. Still others may say that those who met prior to placement and who […]
Am I ready to adopt a sibling group?
Are you thinking of adopting a sibling group? Before you decide, ask the following: If you have answered “No” to any of these questions, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t adopt a sibling group! It means that you need to think carefully about the topics you have answered “No” to. Talk to one of our Family […]
Family is big to Sean Carlo
Sean Carlo is father to 15 children with 11 of them still at home. How does he cope? One child at a time. Sean Carlo and his wife Debbie started thinking about adoption some time after their fifth child, a daughter, was born. They often looked after four neighbor girls and found it too quiet […]
Birth fathers: In the shadows of adoption
Adoption expert, Mary Martin Mason, asks us to open our minds about birth fathers – a much misunderstood segment of the adoption world. At best, he is viewed as a mystery man; at worst, he is seen as a villain. But in almost all cases, birth fathers are deeply misunderstood. “The emotional cost of the […]
