The benefits of big families
Do big adoptive families work better for children with attachment issues? The families we spoke to all think so. These days, having numerous kids tends to be considered eccentric. For some children though, a bursting-at-the-seams-family may be exactly what they need. To learn more about how big adoptive families can benefit certain kids, and what […]
Family matters: Telling about birth siblings
A few months ago, we told our 6-year-old son that he has two older birth siblings who live with his birthmom. He doesn’t want to see photos of his siblings, or talk about it. How can we help? At this age, kids are just beginning to understand the idea of adoption and where babies come […]
BC transracial adoptee shares her story
Why did you write the book? The inspiration (this is one of a series of books) stems from my own experience and from talking to adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. Throughout my life I’ve had to answer so many “why?” questions: “Why is your skin so dirty?” “Why don’t you look like your mom […]
Teens and driving: A personal perspective
When a young adult has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or other challenges that might affect his or her ability to drive a vehicle safely, what should parents do to protect their child, other pedestrians and drivers? Even a typical teen takes quite a while to develop the skills needed […]
When that sibling call comes
Have you discussed the possibility of being asked to adopt one of your child’s siblings? As an adoptive parent, there is a chance that one day you will be asked if you would like to adopt one of your child’s siblings—maybe a newborn, perhaps a teen. That phone call will probably send you into instant […]
Finding lost family through the Internet
As I prepared to adopt, I knew there was a “right” answer when it came to openness. Openness was good, and I needed to come across like I believed it. The truth was, openness scared me silly. What I really hoped was that any child we adopted would have an unfortunate, yet complete, lack of […]
Finding families closer to home
The Belonging Network programs prove that, in many cases, there are people in a child’s existing network who are willing to adopt the child. Social workers Kirsty Stormer and Anne Melcombe explain how these programs work. Ed. Note: Two of the Belonging Network’s social workers are funded by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption through […]
Solutions in strengths
Taking a child’s strengths as the starting point to solving their problems, and involving family and community, can work wonders. Chris Mundy sees his job as a combination of detective and anthropologist. After our interview, it’s easy to see why. As a behaviour consultant with CBI Consultants of Burnaby, Chris spends his days immersing himself in […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #20
In the twentieth of our series, our mom of three kids—Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn—faces a big family Christmas. Not only is she worried about all the preparation and gift buying, she’s concerned that her family will judge her kids and her parenting. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” I […]
Recognizing and coping with post-adoption depression
Like new biological parents, some adoptive parents can become blue or even experience some depression once a baby or child comes home. This can occur for several reasons. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but you do need to recognize it and get some help. I remember walking down the streets of East Vancouver pushing my newborn baby’s […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #19
In the nineteenth of our series, our mom of three kids—Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn—wonders why so much information about her children’s past is still unavailable, and why she’s listed as Mom on their birth certificates. The other day I started to think about all my kids’ personal information being completely sealed […]
Advocating adoption – maybe?
New York adoption agency says, “Slow down!” Speed is the enemy of successful adoptions. According to Maris Blechner, in making a successful adoption placement, the age, race, or health of a child makes little difference. Neither do the marital and financial status, the location, or the parenting experience of the prospective parents. What matters most […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #18
In the eighteenth of our series, we present the, until now, secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids–Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time, mom celebrates the imminent finalization of the children’s adoption, and gains some valuable information. I can’t believe it! The social worker just phoned and said she […]
Finally on the way to forever
Maya and John Benson adopted a sibling group almost three years ago. Despite careful preparation, and being experienced foster parents, the couple were soon devastated by the behaviours of their traumatized children—especially their oldest son. Being a forever family quickly seemed an impossible fantasy. Some parents who have adopted older kids or sibling groups will […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #17
In the seventeenth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids: Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time Diary Mom escapes the mayhem at home for tea, cookies, and her first ever massage. Who invented Pro-D days? Personally, I think it’s part of an evil […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #16
In the sixteenth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids: Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time, a camping trip tests Diary Mom’s patience, and she prepares for a new school year. It’s been a hectic summer, and I have to admit some of […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #15
In the fifteenth of our series, we present the—until-now—secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom has been given an assignment by a behaviourist, Roz, who has some hard truths. Well, here’s another of those heart-wrenchingly truthful journal assignments from Roz. Things I wish I’d have known before adopting […]
Family matters: Siblings
Struggling with a child who is polarizing your family and highlighting adoption differences? Learn practical strategies to address insecurity and foster family unity, while celebrating each member’s unique qualities. Question: How should I handle a child who is polarizing our family? The child has a great deal of influence with his siblings and constantly highlights […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #13
In the thirteenth of our series we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom feels better, and weathers Christmas. December Just this morning I was sitting in the van (as usual) waiting for the girls to finish preschool (as usual) when this bizarre and unfamiliar feeling […]
Helping children make sense of a painful birth history
Learn how to support your child by talking openly about adoption at every stage. This guide covers essential tips, from using positive language early on to addressing tough topics, fostering a safe space for your child to express their feelings, and helping them form their identity with a clear, supportive narrative. 1. Be proactive—use the “A” […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #11
In the eleventh of our series we present the, until now, secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom faces her own feelings of loss over the life she had before the second adoption–a loss she feels is often not properly acknowledged. I feel like such an idiot; I […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #10
In the tenth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. The behaviourist, Roz, who has come in to help the struggling family is teaching Mom how actions speak louder than words. Roz has been observing the kids for a while now and although she still hasn’t come […]
What I’ve learned about openness and adoption
Karen Madeiros, former Executive Director of the Belonging Network, shares her insights as an adoptive mother of two children from the US. Having personally experienced and witnessed the evolution of openness in adoption, she reflects on the valuable lessons learned from her journey. Why did you open up your adoptions? Like many prospective adoptive parents, […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #9
In the ninth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, mom loses confidence that she can cope. The past ten days have been an absolute nightmare. The foster parents came for a visit last weekend. We’d planned this a month ago, and we all through […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #8
In the eighth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. After a couple of months having the children home, our mom finally admits she’s overwhelmed and needs help. No, I am not writing this from the psych ward. However, there are times when that is a definite […]
FASD support group: A parenting lifeline
“Are we scaring you?” the facilitator asked me in a very concerned voice. “Not at all,” I lied. My husband and I had recently brought home a sibling group of two, both of whom had been prentally exposed to alcohol and drugs. Despite all the reading and education we had done in advance, nothing prepared […]
Ask the expert: Dr. Mark Bailey on learning disabilities assessments
Q: My six-year-old son’s teacher says that he has learning disabilities and wants to have him assessed by a psychologist. What would these tests involve and how will they help? A: A psychological assessment used to evaluate a child’s (or adult’s) intellectual and academic skills is referred to as a psychoeducational assessment. An assessment invariably includes a test of […]
A mother’s journey into her daughter’s past
In 2002, I had the opportunity to spend an incredible week with a wonderful friend, also an adoptive mother, visiting the country of our daughter’s birth. There were many moments when I felt guilty that Kahleah, nine, was not with me. She had said, ”I can’t believe you are visiting my birth country without me!” I was […]
Father’s fears quickly resolved after adoption
David Murphy of Abbotsford, is brimming with family pride. There’s him, his wife Nikki, two-year-old Cody, the dog and two cats. Children were always going to be part of the Murphy family—there was no doubt about it. David recalls that on their honeymoon Nikki talked about starting a family. “I wanted to wait a year […]
Ignoring the warning signs: Divorce after infertility and adoption
“There is a problem. This could impact your ability to have children,” were the words I heard from my gynecologist after having laproscopic surgery. My heart sank. I had wanted to be a mom from the time I was four years old. When I thought I would never be a mom, I felt incomplete, ugly, […]
Big family expands with two sons of Inuit heritage
The decision to adopt Kathy and Rick Miller already had four birth children between the ages of nine and 16, when they decided to add a sibling group of two to their family. “We enjoy children a lot,” said Kathy, who has a degree in Child and Youth Care. “We have lots of parenting experience, […]
Adopting a special needs child: Our journey
About six years ago, we decided it was time to start building our family. When the old-fashioned way didn’t work for us, I began researching international adoption. The enormous costs, as well as the health problems many children face, were discouraging, so I spoke with our doctor about other options. He referred us to a […]
