Raising a sibling group means balancing each child’s individual needs while supporting their relationships with one another. In this reflection, Family Support Specialist Christina Kunz discusses the realities of raising siblings, the importance of supporting the whole family, and what to consider before welcoming a sibling group into your home.
For Adoption and Permanency Awareness Month this year, I personally really wanted to focus on siblings. You might be wondering why. In my work supporting families, I get to see permanency from many different angles, and one thing that continues to stand out to me is just how important sibling relationships are, and how much we need to consider them when talking about finding children a permanent home.
When children cannot remain with their birth families, keeping siblings together, when safe and appropriate, can help preserve an important connection to their history, identity, and sense of belonging. A sibling may be the one person who shares parts of their story in a way no one else can. That is important. Their relationship may not always be easy, but it is one worth considering and supporting.
So, to the families who have opened their homes to a sibling group, I want you to know that we see you.
Welcoming one child into your family is a big commitment. Welcoming two, three, or more brings another layer of complexity. Each child has their own personality, needs, experiences, and ways of coping. Even siblings who have grown up in the same home may have very different experiences and need very different things from their caregivers.
And while we are focused on meeting the needs of these children, we also need to recognize the parents and caregivers doing their best to hold everything together.
How do you make sure each child gets individual attention? What happens when one child needs significantly more support than the others? How do you manage sibling conflict while helping them build a healthy relationship? And how do you make sure you are looking after yourself, too?
These are the realities of parenting a sibling group, and I think we need to talk about them more openly.
Sometimes, one child’s needs can take up so much time and energy that other children in the family may feel overlooked. Caregivers can feel pulled in different directions, trying to be fair while recognizing that each child may need something different. There can be appointments, school concerns, big emotions, and the everyday demands of family life, all happening at once.
Supporting a sibling group means supporting the whole family, not just the children.
It means recognizing when a family needs extra support, making space for each child’s individual needs, and understanding that caregivers cannot pour from an empty cup. Asking for help is not a sign that things aren’t working. Sometimes, it’s exactly what helps a family keep moving forward.
And for those of you considering welcoming a sibling group into your home, I really encourage you to give it genuine consideration. I also encourage you to be realistic about what it could mean for your family.
Think about your support network, your capacity, your other commitments, and how you might meet the needs of several children who may each require something different from you. Consider what supports you might need along the way, rather than assuming you will have to figure it all out on your own.
This isn’t about saying yes when it isn’t the right fit. Every family has different circumstances and limits, and those need to be respected. But I hope families won’t rule out the possibility without first exploring what it might look like with the right preparation and support.
Not every sibling relationship will be close, and keeping siblings together isn’t always the right decision. What matters is that their relationships are considered carefully and that, whenever possible, we find ways to help children maintain connections that are important to them.
To those families already doing this work, we see the effort, the flexibility, and the care it takes. We know there are days that feel rewarding and days that feel incredibly hard. You don’t have to get everything right to make a difference.
And to those thinking about it, please ask the questions, learn about the supports available, and consider the possibilities.
Because permanency isn’t just about finding a child a home. It’s about creating a place where children can belong, where their important relationships are valued, and where the people caring for them are supported, too.
This Adoption and Permanency Awareness Month, let’s make sure siblings are part of the conversation.
