Trauma-informed parenting: A guide for families
Download this free digital guide that covers important topics like the different ways kids might respond to trauma, how to adopt a trauma-informed parenting approach, and the impact on parents and caregivers. Chances are, you or someone you know has experienced trauma. Almost two-thirds of Canadians report that they’ve experienced a potentially traumatic event. All […]
Child sexual abuse: A guide for parents
Detecting signs of sexual abuse—and then determining a course of action—may leave parents feeling overwhelmed. This free digital guide is a helpful starting point for adoption and permanency parents, and essential reading for anyone who parents or works with children and youth. As the parent or a guardian of a child who has been adopted from […]
Ask the expert: Trauma-informed care
Rebekah Craig, former Education Manager at the Belonging Network, sat down with Registered Clinical Counsellor Carrie DeJong to discuss trauma-informed care. You can also view the full video of the interview here. Why it is important to consider someone’s past that may have had exposure to trauma? Trauma produces a lot of emotional, behavioural, or […]
Our journey through inducement
This adoptive parent shares her story of welcoming an 11-year-old daughter into her family to join herself, her husband, and their three biological teenage boys. While the journey wasn’t always easy, it was definitely worth any hardships. What is inducement? Inducement is a psychological concept that describes the use of verbal and non-verbal communication to […]
Racism and your child
When kids experience racism, what can their parents do? Here are some resources and tips from an experienced adoptive parent. Editor’s note: Some of these tips are aimed specifically at white parents. The Belonging Network recognizes that adoptive families are incredibly diverse, and that transracial adoptive families include parents from all backgrounds, heritages, and experiences, […]
Gotcha Day
Gotcha Day is one of the names many adoptive parents use to mark the day their child was adopted. While is it intended as a celebration, adoptee Mila Konomos shares a different perspective, along with her personal adoption story. Mila is a transracial, transnational Korean American adoptee. She has been in reunion with her Korean […]
Finding (some of) my roots
Another adult adoptee shares here story of searching for her birth family, and finding roots that, while limited, help ground her. I was born in December 1953, when my birth mother was almost 30 years old. I always knew I was adopted. I looked like my adopted family on the outside but I didn’t feel […]
Ambiguous loss in adoption
Loss is never an easy topic, and the very nature of adoption comes with a plethora of it. In this article, Catherine Moore—both an adoptee and an adoptive parent—explains the revelatory concept of ambiguous loss. Unexpected challenges From the outside, adoption may seem a simple concept, but anyone inside it knows it as a complex […]
My search story
This is an article about the challenges and complexities of searching and reconnecting with a birth parent, and learning to cope when things don’t work out the way you’d hoped they would. I was born in 1973, relinquished at birth and adopted as an eight month old infant. I was born healthy in all respects, […]
Childhood trauma in the classroom: 10 things teachers need to know
For children who have experienced trauma, learning can be a big struggle. Here’s how to help them. With grief, sadness is obvious. With trauma, the symptoms can go largely unrecognized because it shows up looking like other problems: frustration, acting out, or difficulty concentrating, following directions or working in a group. Often students are misdiagnosed […]
Adoptees and suicide risk
Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide than non-adoptees. There’s no easy way to talk about this topic, but talk about it we must. As the adoptive mom of four young adults — two sons adopted as babies and twin daughters adopted at 6 years old — I know what joy adoption can […]
Somatic therapy: A new approach to adoption trauma
For more than 25 years, Catherine has worked in and with the adoption community as a therapist, an adoptee, and an adoptive mom, always searching for a truly effective approach to adoption therapy. In this article, she explains an approach that she’s found to be highly effective for issues related to adoption trauma. The lasting […]
Be ready to support LGBTQ youth
For many youth, foster and adoptive homes can be safe places for care and support when the biological family does not provide appropriate care. Unfortunately, many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth are placed in foster homes where their caretakers do not understand or accept these youth because of their gender or sexual orientation. […]
Shame and the adopted child
Catherine is the co-founder of the non-profit organization We Are Adopted/Adoptees Association. In this article she draws on her personal experience as an adoptee and an adoptive mother as well as her professional experience as a registered clinical counsellor to explain why shame and adoption are so intertwined. Shadowed by shame Shame is something that […]
Early adversity and mental health
This article was originally published on the Adoption Council of Ontario’s blog for Bell Let’s Talk day (a social media campaign that encourages Canadians to talk openly about mental health). We were inspired by Kathy’s insight into the connection between early trauma and mental illness in adoptees, and by her ideas on how to help […]
Filling in the blanks
Storytelling can help your child receive a more accurate assessment. Introducing Cat In 2006, Cat went to Liberia, West Africa, to adopt a little girl and planned to spend six months working on opening a health clinic. This experience was life changing, though she witnessed only a small portion of the trauma suffered by the […]
Adopted voice: If they could turn back time…
What adoptees want parents to know If we could go back in time and, with the wisdom of hindsight, ask our parents to do things differently, what would adopted people request? It’s a dream question, of course. What person wouldn’t want the chance to set their parents straight? To help me answer this question more […]
Trauma matters
Advice from a counsellor on how to recognize and help wounded children and youth. Trauma: adoption’s shadow Many children and youth who are adopted have been exposed to highly stressful situations and traumatic events; however, the resulting special needs these children can experience aren’t always recognized or supported. It’s vital for caregivers and professionals to […]
Adopted voice: Looking homeward
I remember the noise the most. Car engines idled noxious gasses into the air; heavy footsteps snapped across well-worn concrete. The delicious yet unfamiliar smells of Asian street food filled my nostrils. I stood close to my parents, at the edge of a street corner. Together, we gazed across the road to a building. Above […]
Adopted voice: Finding silver linings
Sticks and stones Remember that rhyme you learned as a child? “Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Obviously words can’t cause physical harm, but I’ve learned they definitely can cause emotional pain, the kind you hold in your heart and wear on your sleeve. The kind that leaves […]
Meet the Yrjana family
Colleen and her husband of 17 years, Jussi, live on Vancouver Island. Colleen, a former foster parent for over 20 years, also has three grown children and three grandkids. Her oldest daughter was a neighborhood kid that came for the weekend and stayed for 28 years, according to Colleen. “We have no legal paperwork, but […]
Abandonment
The experts claim that abandonment is an issue for all adoptees. How can parents help their children handle their losses? We know that when a mother is considering whether she will be able to raise her child, the stress she experiences affects the developing brain of the fetus. Primed to connect on an unmistakably profound […]
Adoption against all the odds
The following story is far from typical-most BC families that adopt from the US have a much easier experience. This story speaks to the immense strength of the desire to become parents. Despite the enormous difficulty of their journey, the couple we feature here persevered. That is a characteristic of many adoptive families-it is a […]
Navigating anxiety
I have always been anxious. I didn’t recognize it until my mid 30s, when I went through full-blown, severe anxiety and depression. After months of hell, I saw the pain as the message it was: “you need to change.” During a lengthy process of growth and learning, I looked back and saw the patterns of […]
The truth about confabulation
Is it lying? No, it’s confabulation and there’s a big difference! Time and time again we hear from adoptive parents that one of the hardest behaviours to take is children lying to them. They experience the lie as a personal affront, a show of disrespect, and a harbinger of anti-social behaviour to come. There are […]
Birth fathers: In the shadows of adoption
Adoption expert, Mary Martin Mason, asks us to open our minds about birth fathers – a much misunderstood segment of the adoption world. At best, he is viewed as a mystery man; at worst, he is seen as a villain. But in almost all cases, birth fathers are deeply misunderstood. “The emotional cost of the […]
The language of hurt kids
Psychologists have given us a concept of non-verbal communication that makes an incredible amount of sense in the context of adoption — it is called inducement. Those of us who live or work with adopted children need to understand that inducement is the language of the abandoned. Inducement is the most important conceptual tool we […]
Help for the holidays
Holiday seasons can be tricky for any family. Adoption or permanency often adds an additional layer of joy and complexity. Here’s our guide to making it through the season. When holidays hurt As well as being a time of fun and family togetherness, celebrations can sometimes be difficult to navigate for adoptive families. For some […]
Helping children make sense of a painful birth history
Learn how to support your child by talking openly about adoption at every stage. This guide covers essential tips, from using positive language early on to addressing tough topics, fostering a safe space for your child to express their feelings, and helping them form their identity with a clear, supportive narrative. 1. Be proactive—use the “A” […]
Helping children cope with and understand abandonment
We know that the stress of growing within a mother who is considering whether she will be able to raise the child she is carrying affects the developing brain of the fetus. Primed to connect on an unmistakably profound level at birth, the newborn or older baby or child, regardless of the excellence of the care […]
A mother’s journey into her daughter’s past
In 2002, I had the opportunity to spend an incredible week with a wonderful friend, also an adoptive mother,visiting the country of our daughter’s birth. There were many moments when I felt guilty that Kahleah, nine, was not with me. She had said, ”I can’t believe you are visiting my birth country without me!” I was not […]
Developing brains: Building attachment in adopted children
Trauma and brain development The brain develops from the inside out. A newborn’s brain has about 100 billion cells. At birth, the primitive brain, called the brainstem, is sufficiently developed to insure that vital functions can be maintained independently for a short period. Baby can breathe, the heart beats, the body temperature self-regulates, reflexes are […]
