Ask the expert: Drug and alcohol exposure
Jan Radford is a Registered Nurse with over 30 years of experience working with children as a clinician, administrator, researcher and educator. She worked with substance-exposed infants and children for many years as a Clinical Nurse Specialist at Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children and in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. In her recent “semi-retirement” she has […]
Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome
Neonatal Abstinence Syndrome (NAS) is a medical diagnosis given to a child who shows medical and behavioural signs of withdrawal from opiates such as heroin and methadone that are manifested between birth and 14 days of life. Causes Almost every drug passes from the mother’s blood stream through the placenta to the fetus. Illicit substances that […]
Ask the expert: Jan Radford
Jan Radford is a Registered Nurse with over 30 years of experience working with children as a clinician, administrator, researcher and educator. She worked with substance-exposed infants and children for many years as a Clinical Nurse Specialist at Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children and in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside. In her recent “semi-retirement” she has […]
Adoption and classroom success
Circumstances prior to adoption often cause adopted children to experience school, among other things, in a different framework than other kids. Orphanage care, foster care or prenatal exposure are all events that can affect behavior as a child grows. This video presents tips and strategies on how to help your child be more successful at […]
Love me, feed me: part one
Feeding and attachment The attachment cycle is fulfilled by meeting a child’s physical and emotional needs — feeling hunger, needing attention, being wet or cold — over and over again. Feeding is one of the most reliable and obvious opportunities to help a child feel safe and cared for, and to build trust, whether you […]
The importance of attachment in adoption
In this article, Dr. Lucy LeMare talks about what attachment is, the different kinds of attachment, how children who have been in foster care or institutions experience attachment, and offers practical tips to help caregivers build strong, secure bonds with their children. Attachment theory and children in care The adoptions of children from overseas orphanages, […]
Ask the expert: When parenting gets tough
Adoption is a rewarding journey, but it can come with unexpected challenges. If your child is struggling to adjust, you’re not alone. Social worker Susan Lees shares insights and resources to help adoptive parents navigate this journey with support and confidence. “Two years ago we adopted a child of six. We have found parenting him […]
Parents or children: Whose job is it to change?
I was presenting at a workshop recently and mentioned, in an off-hand way, that I wondered what surprises we would find with our next adoption. A woman in the front row shot up her hand (front row people are like that). “What do you mean your next adoption? You already have nine children. Why would […]
Meeting the challenges of parenting a special needs teen
In her book, The Face In the Mirror, Marion Crook provides an in-depth examination of teens feelings and perceptions about adoption. She says, “Adopted children need reassurance that they are loved and wanted…. Their appetite for proof that their parents love them and will continue to love them may seem insatiable.” Jayne is such a child. […]
How one adoptive family handles racism
In our experience, the best lessons we can offer are those that teach our children to externalize racism and assure them we will always be there for them. Externalizing racism Because my husband and I do not share our children’s racial or cultural backgrounds, we work extra hard to help them develop skills and strategies […]
Q&A: What people ask us about adopting special needs children
Note: This Q&A was originally published in 2013, when terms like “special needs” were more commonly used. We recognize that language evolves, and we now typically use terms such as “support needs,” “complex needs,” or “disabilities.” We’ve kept the original wording to preserve the authors’ voices and experiences as they were shared at the time. […]
Tips for families considering NAS or alcohol-affected babies
Adapted from: Susan Edelstein, Children with Prenatal Alcohol and/or Other Drug Exposure: Weighing the Risks of Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1995. Source: The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute (adoption research and studies).
What it’s like to live with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)
This information applies to any individual who is functionally dependent on others in some specific areas, and who does not learn from correction, or who does not “get” why people are distressed with their behavior. Parents, teachers and support persons of individuals with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) are sometimes faced with episodes of extreme […]
Are you up to parenting a child with FASD?
When I met Susan Bell* in her large, Surrey home, I was immediately struck by how ordered and tidy it seemed, especially considering it’s home to several teens. I had pictured a far more hectic, cluttered place. Susan ushered me into her equally immaculate office, and we spoke for two hours about parenting kids with […]
Advice on overcoming ADHD challenges
There are a variety of techniques you can employ to help your child and your family cope with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Medication is helpful in many cases, but there are techniques that can help your child learn how to better manage their behaviour. 1. Consider medication There are differing opinions on the value […]
Journey to recovery
This powerful story was the keynote speech at Growing Together: a retreat for parents of persons with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) in January 2010. Hi, my name is Nicolas. First of all, I’d like to thank the organizers of this retreat for asking me here to share with you. I’d also like to thank […]
Romanian adoption research
These are the findings of Dr. Elinor Ames’ research on the Development of Romanian Children Adopted to Canada. In 1990, Dr. Ames, an adoptive parent and professor of developmental psychology at BC’s Simon Fraser University, began her research on the effects of institutionalization on children adopted to BC from Romanian orphanages. That same year, 1013 […]
Casey worth the five year wait
The decision Celine and her husband Dan Green live in a small town in the BC mountains. Like many, they could not have children biologically and found the intercountry adoption option too costly. However, they were sure about one thing: They wanted children. As independent business people well connected to their small community, said Celine,”We […]
The power of art therapy in adoption
Art therapy and adoption go well together. The creative process used in art therapy can assist children and adults to understand their feelings and experiences through non-verbal means. It can also assist with the development of social skills, the management of behaviours, the reduction of anxiety and depression, and it can heal trauma and increase […]
Navigating anxiety
I have always been anxious. I didn’t recognize it until my mid 30s, when I went through full-blown, severe anxiety and depression. After months of hell, I saw the pain as the message it was: “you need to change.” During a lengthy process of growth and learning, I looked back and saw the patterns of […]
The truth about confabulation
Is it lying? No, it’s confabulation and there’s a big difference! Time and time again we hear from adoptive parents that one of the hardest behaviours to take is children lying to them. They experience the lie as a personal affront, a show of disrespect, and a harbinger of anti-social behaviour to come. There are […]
School 101: For adoptive parents
Starting school for the first time, or a new school year, can present challenges for adoptive parents and their children. We have prepared this brief guide to help prepare you and your child for the school experience and to circumvent some of the problems you may encounter. Newly adopted older kids International adoption Racism and […]
Ask the expert: The parentified child
Many children in foster care exhibit parentified behaviours, making it difficult for them and their new parents to negotiate healthy parent-child relationships. We spoke with Anne Melcombe, BSW, an adoption social worker and former Permanency Support Specialist at Belonging Network, about parenting the parentified child. Anne was a Level 2 foster parent for more than […]
To Russia with regrets
When a seven-year-old boy, adopted by an American family, was returned to Moscow with a note explaining that his new family no longer wanted him, there was universal outrage. According to the adoptive grandmother, the family was unaware of the behavioural challenges the young boy had, and they became overwhelmed with fear after he openly […]
Why we embraced our kids’ regression
“Daaaddyyy… I reddy for waaaiipe…!” My recently adopted child yelled out. “Coming!” I sang back. I look back now, years later, to those daily routines of officially being a bum wiper for my children as precious moments. They were opportunities for each of my children to know that I am dependable and committed, and that […]
Ask the expert: Adoption and the school
Jennifer Hillman, a former Belonging Network regional coordinator, shares advice for helping children navigate hurtful comments about adoption. My six-year-old daughter came home from school very upset after a friend had told her that I was a “fake” mom. How can I help her face such difficult comments? First, have a discussion with your daughter […]
Breaking the language barrier
For many internationally adopted children, a part of adjusting to their new home will include learning to hear the sounds of English. They will then need to learn how to move their lips, tongue, and jaw to produce these sounds, and then put words together. Language learning Encourage language learning by creating fun activities like Peek-a-Boo, […]
Your child’s ages and stages in adoption
Though, of course, children are all different, research has shown that children who join their family through adoption tend to go through specific stages in their understanding of their family and their place in it. Here we summarize one of the best descriptions of these “ages and stages,” which can be found in Lois Ruskai […]
Siblings with FASD
An honest account of the fun and frustration involved in growing up with twin brothers who both have FASD. When I was in kindergarten, my parents adopted two-year-old twin brothers. They brought with them a double-dose of both love and of calamity. On the spectrum, both boys were easily diagnosed as “severely affected.” The first […]
Teens and driving: A personal perspective
When a young adult has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or other challenges that might affect his or her ability to drive a vehicle safely, what should parents do to protect their child, other pedestrians and drivers? Even a typical teen takes quite a while to develop the skills needed […]
Help your child: Focus on strengths
Tara Webber, Registered Clinical Counsellor and adoptive mom, provides her tips on building a struggling child’s self-esteem. If you ask children what they do well, there is usually a long pause as they search for an answer. Ask them what they don’t do well, and they have an instant list. When I was working as […]
Solutions in strengths
Taking a child’s strengths as the starting point to solving their problems, and involving family and community, can work wonders. Chris Mundy sees his job as a combination of detective and anthropologist. After our interview, it’s easy to see why. As a behaviour consultant with CBI Consultants of Burnaby, Chris spends his days immersing himself in […]
Recognizing and coping with post-adoption depression
Like new biological parents, some adoptive parents can become blue or even experience some depression once a baby or child comes home. This can occur for several reasons. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, but you do need to recognize it and get some help. I remember walking down the streets of East Vancouver pushing my newborn baby’s […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #17
In the seventeenth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids: Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time Diary Mom escapes the mayhem at home for tea, cookies, and her first ever massage. Who invented Pro-D days? Personally, I think it’s part of an evil […]
When emotional development is delayed
Your adopted child’s early life experiences may have caused a delay in their emotional development. Child and family counsellor and behaviourist, Carol Olafson, explains how paying attention to emotional development can help you and your child. Emotional development is thought to be one of the most important factors in individuals being able to function well […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #16
In the sixteenth of our series, we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids: Emily and her new siblings, Grant and Lynn. This time, a camping trip tests Diary Mom’s patience, and she prepares for a new school year. It’s been a hectic summer, and I have to admit some of […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #15
In the fifteenth of our series, we present the—until-now—secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom has been given an assignment by a behaviourist, Roz, who has some hard truths. Well, here’s another of those heart-wrenchingly truthful journal assignments from Roz. Things I wish I’d have known before adopting […]
Family matters: Siblings
Struggling with a child who is polarizing your family and highlighting adoption differences? Learn practical strategies to address insecurity and foster family unity, while celebrating each member’s unique qualities. Question: How should I handle a child who is polarizing our family? The child has a great deal of influence with his siblings and constantly highlights […]
From infertility to adoption: Are you ready?
A summary of Patricia Irwin Johnston’s presentation at the 2003 NACAC Conference. If you have experienced infertility and are thinking about adoption, here are some questions to ask yoruself before moving forward. Have you worked through your infertility losses? Have you ranked those losses (in a couple, feelings of loss may be different)? Losses may […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom #13
In the thirteenth of our series we present the secret thoughts of an adoptive mom of three kids. This time, our struggling mom feels better, and weathers Christmas. December Just this morning I was sitting in the van (as usual) waiting for the girls to finish preschool (as usual) when this bizarre and unfamiliar feeling […]
Helping children make sense of a painful birth history
Learn how to support your child by talking openly about adoption at every stage. This guide covers essential tips, from using positive language early on to addressing tough topics, fostering a safe space for your child to express their feelings, and helping them form their identity with a clear, supportive narrative. 1. Be proactive—use the “A” […]
FASD support group: A parenting lifeline
“Are we scaring you?” the facilitator asked me in a very concerned voice. “Not at all,” I lied. My husband and I had recently brought home a sibling group of two, both of whom had been prentally exposed to alcohol and drugs. Despite all the reading and education we had done in advance, nothing prepared […]
Hair and skin care for kids: A guide for parents of black and bi-racial children
When Kelly Martin brought home her 21-month-old daughter, Kendall, there were all the common new-parent concerns: “How will I ever cut such tiny nails?” laughs Kelly. But Kendall is Haitian, and caring for black skin and hair was to be an additional learning experience for Kelly. Undaunted, she says, “I knew it was something I […]
Helping children cope with and understand abandonment
We know that the stress of growing within a mother who is considering whether she will be able to raise the child she is carrying affects the developing brain of the fetus. Primed to connect on an unmistakably profound level at birth, the newborn or older baby or child, regardless of the excellence of the care […]
Ask the expert: Dr. Mark Bailey on learning disabilities assessments
Q: My six-year-old son’s teacher says that he has learning disabilities and wants to have him assessed by a psychologist. What would these tests involve and how will they help? A: A psychological assessment used to evaluate a child’s (or adult’s) intellectual and academic skills is referred to as a psychoeducational assessment. An assessment invariably includes a test of […]
Developing brains: Building attachment in adopted children
Trauma and brain development The brain develops from the inside out. A newborn’s brain has about 100 billion cells. At birth, the primitive brain, called the brainstem, is sufficiently developed to insure that vital functions can be maintained independently for a short period. Baby can breathe, the heart beats, the body temperature self-regulates, reflexes are […]
Father’s fears quickly resolved after adoption
David Murphy of Abbotsford, is brimming with family pride. There’s him, his wife Nikki, two-year-old Cody, the dog and two cats. Children were always going to be part of the Murphy family—there was no doubt about it. David recalls that on their honeymoon Nikki talked about starting a family. “I wanted to wait a year […]
Ignoring the warning signs: Divorce after infertility and adoption
“There is a problem. This could impact your ability to have children,” were the words I heard from my gynecologist after having laproscopic surgery. My heart sank. I had wanted to be a mom from the time I was four years old. When I thought I would never be a mom, I felt incomplete, ugly, […]
Adopting a child with a risk of schizophrenia
Of the 650 children available for adoption through the Ministry, roughly 15 to 20 percent have a genetic psychiatric risk of mental illness such as a mental disability, schizophrenia, manic depression, or a personality disorder. In December, 2001, 77 children (or 16.5 %) carried this risk. Few applicants are interested in adopting children with a […]
Big family expands with two sons of Inuit heritage
The decision to adopt Kathy and Rick Miller already had four birth children between the ages of nine and 16, when they decided to add a sibling group of two to their family. “We enjoy children a lot,” said Kathy, who has a degree in Child and Youth Care. “We have lots of parenting experience, […]
