Meeting the challenges of parenting a special needs teen
In her book, The Face In the Mirror, Marion Crook provides an in-depth examination of teens feelings and perceptions about adoption. She says, “Adopted children need reassurance that they are loved and wanted…. Their appetite for proof that their parents love them and will continue to love them may seem insatiable.” Jayne is such a child. […]
How one adoptive family handles racism
In our experience, the best lessons we can offer are those that teach our children to externalize racism and assure them we will always be there for them. Externalizing racism Because my husband and I do not share our children’s racial or cultural backgrounds, we work extra hard to help them develop skills and strategies […]
Q&A: What people ask us about adopting special needs children
Why did you adopt special needs children? At the time we had three birth children who were boys and we wanted to experience raising daughters. We had fostered special needs children for many years and felt we were able to meet the challenges that come with parenting special needs children. How long did it take? […]
Tips for families considering NAS or alcohol-affected babies
Adapted from: Susan Edelstein, Children with Prenatal Alcohol and/or Other Drug Exposure: Weighing the Risks of Adoption. Washington, DC: CWLA Press, 1995. Source: The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute (adoption research and studies).
What it’s like to live with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD)
This information applies to any individual who is functionally dependent on others in some specific areas, and who does not learn from correction, or who does not “get” why people are distressed with their behavior. Parents, teachers and support persons of individuals with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) are sometimes faced with episodes of extreme […]
Are you up to parenting a child with FASD?
When I met Susan Bell* in her large, Surrey home, I was immediately struck by how ordered and tidy it seemed, especially considering it’s home to several teens. I had pictured a far more hectic, cluttered place. Susan ushered me into her equally immaculate office, and we spoke for two hours about parenting kids with […]
Advice on overcoming ADHD challenges
There are a variety of techniques you can employ to help your child and your family cope with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Medication is helpful in many cases, but there are techniques that can help your child learn how to better manage their behaviour. 1. Consider medication There are differing opinions on the value […]
Journey to recovery
This powerful story was the keynote speech at Growing Together: a retreat for parents of persons with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) in January 2010. Hi, my name is Nicolas. First of all, I’d like to thank the organizers of this retreat for asking me here to share with you. I’d also like to thank […]
Romanian adoption research
These are the findings of Dr. Elinor Ames’ research on the Development of Romanian Children Adopted to Canada. In 1990, Dr. Ames, an adoptive parent and professor of developmental psychology at BC’s Simon Fraser University, began her research on the effects of institutionalization on children adopted to BC from Romanian orphanages. That same year, 1013 […]
Casey worth the five year wait
The decision Celine and husband Dan Green live in a small town nestled in the BC mountains. Like many, they could not produce children biologically and found the intercountry adoption option too costly. However, they were sure about one thing: They wanted children. As independent business people well connected to their small community, said Celine,”we […]
Navigating anxiety
I have always been anxious. I didn’t recognize it until my mid 30s, when I went through full-blown, severe anxiety and depression. After months of hell, I saw the pain as the message it was: “you need to change.” During a lengthy process of growth and learning, I looked back and saw the patterns of […]
The truth about confabulation
Is it lying? No, it’s confabulation and there’s a big difference! Time and time again we hear from adoptive parents that one of the hardest behaviours to take is children lying to them. They experience the lie as a personal affront, a show of disrespect, and a harbinger of anti-social behaviour to come. There are […]
To Russia with regrets
When a seven-year-old boy, adopted by an American family, was returned to Moscow with a note explaining that his new family no longer wanted him, there was universal outrage. According to the adoptive grandmother, the family was unaware of the behavioural challenges the young boy had, and they became overwhelmed with fear after he openly […]
Why we embraced our kids’ regression
“Daaaddyyy… I reddy for waaaiipe…!” My recently adopted child yelled out. “Coming!” I sang back. I look back now, years later, to those daily routines of officially being a bum wiper for my children as precious moments. They were opportunities for each of my children to know that I am dependable and committed, and that […]
Siblings with FASD
An honest account of the fun and frustration involved in growing up with twin brothers who both have FASD. When I was in kindergarten, my parents adopted two-year-old twin brothers. They brought with them a double-dose of both love and of calamity. On the spectrum, both boys were easily diagnosed as “severely affected.” The first […]
Services for children with special needs
In BC there are a host of services to help diagnose special needs and offer support to families. This guide explains where BC families can go to get help and what to do if it isn’t forthcoming. Infants 0 – 6 Infant Development Program This program is available free of charge across BC. All parents […]
Teens and driving: A personal perspective
When a young adult has Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or other challenges that might affect his or her ability to drive a vehicle safely, what should parents do to protect their child, other pedestrians and drivers? Even a typical teen takes quite a while to develop the skills needed […]
Help your child: Focus on strengths
Tara Webber, Registered Clinical Counsellor and adoptive mom, provides her tips on building a struggling child’s self-esteem. If you ask children what they do well, there is usually a long pause as they search for an answer. Ask them what they don’t do well, and they have an instant list. When I was working as […]
When emotional development is delayed
Your adopted child’s early life experiences may have caused a delay in their emotional development. Child and family counsellor and behaviourist, Carol Olafson, explains how paying attention to emotional development can help you and your child. Emotional development is thought to be one of the most important factors in individuals being able to function well […]
Family matters: Siblings
Struggling with a child who is polarizing your family and highlighting adoption differences? Learn practical strategies to address insecurity and foster family unity, while celebrating each member’s unique qualities. Question: How should I handle a child who is polarizing our family? The child has a great deal of influence with his siblings and constantly highlights […]
FASD support group: A parenting lifeline
“Are we scaring you?” the facilitator asked me in a very concerned voice. “Not at all,” I lied. My husband and I had recently brought home a sibling group of two, both of whom had been prentally exposed to alcohol and drugs. Despite all the reading and education we had done in advance, nothing prepared […]
Hair and skin care for kids: A guide for parents of black and bi-racial children
When Kelly Martin brought home her 21-month-old daughter, Kendall, there were all the common new-parent concerns: “How will I ever cut such tiny nails?” laughs Kelly. But Kendall is Haitian, and caring for black skin and hair was to be an additional learning experience for Kelly. Undaunted, she says, “I knew it was something I […]
Helping children cope with and understand abandonment
We know that the stress of growing within a mother who is considering whether she will be able to raise the child she is carrying affects the developing brain of the fetus. Primed to connect on an unmistakably profound level at birth, the newborn or older baby or child, regardless of the excellence of the care […]
Developing brains: Building attachment in adopted children
Trauma and brain development The brain develops from the inside out. A newborn’s brain has about 100 billion cells. At birth, the primitive brain, called the brainstem, is sufficiently developed to insure that vital functions can be maintained independently for a short period. Baby can breathe, the heart beats, the body temperature self-regulates, reflexes are […]
Father’s fears quickly resolved after adoption
David Murphy of Abbotsford, is brimming with family pride. There’s him, his wife Nikki, two-year-old Cody, the dog and two cats. Children were always going to be part of the Murphy family—there was no doubt about it. David recalls that on their honeymoon Nikki talked about starting a family. “I wanted to wait a year […]
Adopting a child with a risk of schizophrenia
Of the 650 children available for adoption through the Ministry, roughly 15 to 20 percent have a genetic psychiatric risk of mental illness such as a mental disability, schizophrenia, manic depression, or a personality disorder. In December, 2001, 77 children (or 16.5 %) carried this risk. Few applicants are interested in adopting children with a […]
Big family expands with two sons of Inuit heritage
The decision to adopt Kathy and Rick Miller already had four birth children between the ages of nine and 16, when they decided to add a sibling group of two to their family. “We enjoy children a lot,” said Kathy, who has a degree in Child and Youth Care. “We have lots of parenting experience, […]
FAS and international adoption: Know the risks
No large Canadian study has been done on the incidence of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Effect (also known as partial FAS) in children adopted internationally. However, Sunny Hill Health Centre for Children in Vancouver is collecting data, and it’s clear that any child adopted from any country could have been exposed to alcohol […]
Adopting a special needs child: Our journey
About six years ago, we decided it was time to start building our family. When the old-fashioned way didn’t work for us, I began researching international adoption. The enormous costs, as well as the health problems many children face, were discouraging, so I spoke with our doctor about other options. He referred us to a […]
