Reunion in international adoption
“Aren’t you interested in visiting Vietnam?” “Don’t you want to look for your birth parents?” “As soon as I save enough money, I’m planning to go to Bangladesh to search for my birth family.” These are a few of the questions and comments directed at our 22-year-old son, who up to that time had never […]
Adoption against all the odds
The following story is far from typical-most BC families that adopt from the US have a much easier experience. This story speaks to the immense strength of the desire to become parents. Despite the enormous difficulty of their journey, the couple we feature here persevered. That is a characteristic of many adoptive families-it is a […]
Conceiving Family: A filmmaker’s journey to adoption
A BC film explores the bravery, determination, and humour it takes to rise above the legal systems, societal prejudices, and personal fears inherent in starting a family through adoption. Nelson, BC-based filmmaker Amy Bohigian’s documentary film, Conceiving Family, follows her and partner Jane Byers’ journey to becoming a family, and combines personal interviews, intimate footage and […]
When birth parents change their minds
Though they are rare, and most adoptions go through seamlessly, revocations by birth parents happen. In BC, birth parents have 30 days from the time their child is born to change their minds and decide to parent their child. Usually those 30 days pass by, albeit slowly, and the parents can breathe a sigh of […]
Mail brings unexpected connection
When Chelsea was adopted, her young birthmom gave a letter, photo, bracelet, and blanket to her daughter. At first, her adoptive parents sent letters and photos via their social worker. Then each family moved and contact was lost—until now. When I was a little girl, I used to love to jump out of the car […]
Journey to recovery
This powerful story was the keynote speech at Growing Together: a retreat for parents of persons with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) in January 2010. Hi, my name is Nicolas. First of all, I’d like to thank the organizers of this retreat for asking me here to share with you. I’d also like to thank […]
Openness agreements—building bridges between people
Openness in adoption enables members of the adoption circle to maintain family and cultural connections and relationships, and assists the child in developing a strong, healthy identity.” This is one of the five core values guiding the adoption practice for BC’s Waiting Children, and one that is contributing to the changing nature of adoption. Led […]
The grandmother clause
The impact of including grandparents in the adoption (and post-adoption) process. The impact of open adoption on birth and adoptive families is only beginning to be understood. Recent research explores the perspectives of birth grandmothers who had direct contact with their birth grandchildren. The findings clearly demonstrate some of the benefits and challenges of open […]
The complexity of adoption ethics
In this discussion paper, I hope to open a door for reflection and discussion within the adoption community, meaning adoption agencies, support services, and adoptive and prospective adoptive parents. It is time to examine our underlying values and biases in adoption, and address how the adoptive system advantages some, while disadvantaging others. When my husband and […]
Grandmother struggles with parenting second time around
Five years ago Sophie Perkins* was an empty nester in her fifites with a busy career. She had no idea that she was soon to become a full-time mother again. Though Sophie knew that her daughter-in-law and son weren’t parenting their children adequately, as she lived some distance from the family, she didn’t have a […]
Romanian adoption research
These are the findings of Dr. Elinor Ames’ research on the Development of Romanian Children Adopted to Canada. In 1990, Dr. Ames, an adoptive parent and professor of developmental psychology at BC’s Simon Fraser University, began her research on the effects of institutionalization on children adopted to BC from Romanian orphanages. That same year, 1013 […]
Casey worth the five year wait
The decision Celine and her husband Dan Green live in a small town in the BC mountains. Like many, they could not have children biologically and found the intercountry adoption option too costly. However, they were sure about one thing: They wanted children. As independent business people well connected to their small community, said Celine,”We […]
Explaining the need to know my birth family
“If I were an adoptee, I think I’d want to search for my birth parents. I’d be curious, I think,” Cathy tells me. “Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to,” says Joanne. “I was raised by my biological parents and I may look like them, but I am nothing like them in personality. Who cares whose […]
The homestudy explained
Social worker Carol Blake demystifies what can seem to be a nerve wracking and intrusive process-the adoption homestudy. Quick! Vacuum the rug, dust the furniture, alphabetize the spice rack, the social worker is coming over! The day has finally arrived; your social worker is coming over to start the homestudy. What does she want to […]
The proposal process explained
Cathy Gilbert has been through the MCFD proposal process dozens of times (she’s adopted 11 children). Here, she shares what she’s learned. Accepting a proposal is one of the biggest decisions you’ll ever make—it needs to an informed one. Once parents, or a social worker have seen a potential child and parent match, information is […]
Let’s celebrate!
Incorporating cultural traditions in your new family Adopting a child is a time to celebrate. But beyond the initial celebration of the arrival of your new child, how can you incorporate new traditions and celebrations into your life? If your child has another country or culture in their background, it is important to share the […]
Living openness: On showing up
Getting to know you Someone once said that “ninety percent of life is showing up.” This is particularly true in open adoption – something I learned from my son’s birth dad, William. We met William, and his very pregnant girlfriend Sierra, four years ago. He was late, and we were nervous. Sierra’s mother had blown […]
Advice on adopting a sibling group
Cathy Sarino works for Kelowna Community Resources in their Special Needs Adoption Program. Her job is to help children understand, and hopefully accept, that they cannot live with their birth parents or their foster parents. She works with the children and their foster parents to deal with the grief and loss and guide them into […]
Ask the expert: Adoptees on identity
A new report reminds us of the challenges some adoptees have in forming their identity, and what could make it easier. A major new study finds adoption has a profound and enduring impact on the identity of adoptees. Based on input from the experts on the subject – adults who were adopted as children, the […]
Ask the expert: Open adoption
This article explores what open adoption really means and how it can benefit everyone involved. My wife and I are looking to adopt. We’ve been told that open adoption is the trend these days. Just how open is open? I’m concerned that the birth mother will take over our lives and that our child won’t […]
Navigating anxiety
I have always been anxious. I didn’t recognize it until my mid 30s, when I went through full-blown, severe anxiety and depression. After months of hell, I saw the pain as the message it was: “you need to change.” During a lengthy process of growth and learning, I looked back and saw the patterns of […]
The truth about confabulation
Is it lying? No, it’s confabulation and there’s a big difference! Time and time again we hear from adoptive parents that one of the hardest behaviours to take is children lying to them. They experience the lie as a personal affront, a show of disrespect, and a harbinger of anti-social behaviour to come. There are […]
What is open adoption?
Ask five people what their definition of open adoption is and you are likely to get five answers. Some may think that allowing an expectant parent to choose the prospective adoptive parents from a profile of non-identifying information is an open adoption. Still others may say that those who met prior to placement and who […]
The siblings are here!
Having more sisters and brothers means more love and sometimes having to hide all your nailpolish. Kendra is 15 years old and a big sister to six siblings. Mary Caros interviewed Kendra about her experience with being the oldest sister in a family that chooses to adopt more children. Tell me a bit about your […]
Am I ready to adopt a sibling group?
Are you thinking of adopting a sibling group? Before you decide, ask the following: If you have answered “No” to any of these questions, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t adopt a sibling group! It means that you need to think carefully about the topics you have answered “No” to. Talk to one of our Family […]
Ask the expert: The parentified child
Many children in foster care exhibit parentified behaviours, making it difficult for them and their new parents to negotiate healthy parent-child relationships. We spoke with Anne Melcombe, BSW, an adoption social worker and former Permanency Support Specialist at Belonging Network, about parenting the parentified child. Anne was a Level 2 foster parent for more than […]
Family is big to Sean Carlo
Sean Carlo is father to 15 children with 11 of them still at home. How does he cope? One child at a time. Sean Carlo and his wife Debbie started thinking about adoption some time after their fifth child, a daughter, was born. They often looked after four neighbor girls and found it too quiet […]
Ask the expert: How to communicate difficult information to birth parents
Navigating relationships with a child’s birth parents can be complex for adoptive families, especially when challenges arise. How much should you share? When is it appropriate to involve birth parents, and when should boundaries be reinforced? In this conversation, adoption professionals Brenda McCreight and Lee Crawford explore these everyday dilemmas, offering guidance on setting healthy […]
When forever comes
“Imagine being married to someone for eight years, and then being told that you have to get a divorce and some stranger will choose your new spouse. Then imagine moving in with that person after only knowing them for a little while. What if they don’t like you, or you don’t like them — what […]
Finding family in the information age
To make technology work for you, harness your kids’ skills If someone told me ten years ago that I’d find my birth family online, I would have laughed. Ten years ago, we thought Y2K would spell the end of the internet. I never suspected this information superhighway would become my road to finding my sisters. […]
Birth fathers: In the shadows of adoption
Adoption expert, Mary Martin Mason, asks us to open our minds about birth fathers – a much misunderstood segment of the adoption world. At best, he is viewed as a mystery man; at worst, he is seen as a villain. But in almost all cases, birth fathers are deeply misunderstood. “The emotional cost of the […]
To Russia with regrets
When a seven-year-old boy, adopted by an American family, was returned to Moscow with a note explaining that his new family no longer wanted him, there was universal outrage. According to the adoptive grandmother, the family was unaware of the behavioural challenges the young boy had, and they became overwhelmed with fear after he openly […]
Respite: how to make it a reality for your family
Respite is a vital support for many adoptive families, but it can be a challenge to access funding and to find trustworthy and reliable caregivers. In this article, an adoptive mom of many explains how to make respite a basic part of your family lifestyle rather than a last resort. “I can’t deal with this […]
Why we embraced our kids’ regression
“Daaaddyyy… I reddy for waaaiipe…!” My recently adopted child yelled out. “Coming!” I sang back. I look back now, years later, to those daily routines of officially being a bum wiper for my children as precious moments. They were opportunities for each of my children to know that I am dependable and committed, and that […]
Ask the expert: Adoption and the school
Jennifer Hillman, a former Belonging Network regional coordinator, shares advice for helping children navigate hurtful comments about adoption. My six-year-old daughter came home from school very upset after a friend had told her that I was a “fake” mom. How can I help her face such difficult comments? First, have a discussion with your daughter […]
Open adoption for birth parents
A guide that covers the basics of openness and adoption for birth parents. Birth parents matter Sometimes you might not feel like it, but you are important to your child. Even if you are not parenting your child, it doesn’t mean you can’t play an important role—you can. Kids usually want to know where they […]
Adoption for beginners
Am I ready to adopt? Before you decide, consider the following questions: If you have answered “No” to any of these questions, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t adopt a child, it means that you need to think carefully about the topics you have answered “no” to. Talk to your adoption agency, a counsellor, or one […]
Breaking the language barrier
For many internationally adopted children, a part of adjusting to their new home will include learning to hear the sounds of English. They will then need to learn how to move their lips, tongue, and jaw to produce these sounds, and then put words together. Language learning Encourage language learning by creating fun activities like Peek-a-Boo, […]
Diary of an Adoptive Mom series
Here are some of the articles from our long-running Diary of an Adoptive Mom series. This adoptive mother shares her experiences and secret thoughts of raising three children. This series ran from 2006 to 2010. Note: Diary entries #1 to #7 are unavailable
Return to Romania
An adoption reunion can answer many questions. It can also change an adoptee’s life in unexpected ways. When she packed her birth certificate, some cherished photographs, and set off, Sevdin MacDonald hoped they might provide valuable clues that would lead to her lost family in Romania. Sevdin was adopted from Romania at two-and-a-half years old, […]
Your child’s ages and stages in adoption
Though, of course, children are all different, research has shown that children who join their family through adoption tend to go through specific stages in their understanding of their family and their place in it. Here we summarize one of the best descriptions of these “ages and stages,” which can be found in Lois Ruskai […]
Siblings with FASD
An honest account of the fun and frustration involved in growing up with twin brothers who both have FASD. When I was in kindergarten, my parents adopted two-year-old twin brothers. They brought with them a double-dose of both love and of calamity. On the spectrum, both boys were easily diagnosed as “severely affected.” The first […]
The benefits of big families
Do big adoptive families work better for children with attachment issues? The families we spoke to all think so. These days, having numerous kids tends to be considered eccentric. For some children though, a bursting-at-the-seams-family may be exactly what they need. To learn more about how big adoptive families can benefit certain kids, and what […]
Family matters: Telling about birth siblings
A few months ago, we told our 6-year-old son that he has two older birth siblings who live with his birthmom. He doesn’t want to see photos of his siblings, or talk about it. How can we help? At this age, kids are just beginning to understand the idea of adoption and where babies come […]
BC transracial adoptee shares her story
Why did you write the book? The inspiration (this is one of a series of books) stems from my own experience and from talking to adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents. Throughout my life I’ve had to answer so many “why?” questions: “Why is your skin so dirty?” “Why don’t you look like your mom […]
Adoption for family and friends
We are pleased to share with you some information on adoption. We hope it will help us all to celebrate the adoption in our family. Adoption ABCs Opening up adoption Fostering the facts Transracial adoption Most parents who have adopted a child of another race or culture have stories about hurtful and racist remarks. This […]
When that sibling call comes
Have you discussed the possibility of being asked to adopt one of your child’s siblings? As an adoptive parent, there is a chance that one day you will be asked if you would like to adopt one of your child’s siblings—maybe a newborn, perhaps a teen. That phone call will probably send you into instant […]
Finding lost family through the Internet
As I prepared to adopt, I knew there was a “right” answer when it came to openness. Openness was good, and I needed to come across like I believed it. The truth was, openness scared me silly. What I really hoped was that any child we adopted would have an unfortunate, yet complete, lack of […]
You know your child. Be an advocate.
Galya was adopted from Russia at age 11. Her new parents quickly learned ways to help their child with this momentous transition. They also fought the school system, which so often fails to acknowledge the challenges faced by an internationally adopted child. Galya was almost 12 years old when we brought her home from Novosibirsk. […]
Finding families closer to home
The Belonging Network programs prove that, in many cases, there are people in a child’s existing network who are willing to adopt the child. Social workers Kirsty Stormer and Anne Melcombe explain how these programs work. Ed. Note: Two of the Belonging Network’s social workers are funded by the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption through […]
