Self-care ideas from fellow caregivers

Every family’s journey is different, but one thing remains true: caring for yourself helps you care for others.

We asked a few parents and permanency caregivers to share what helps them recharge and stay grounded through everyday ups and downs. Their ideas are simple and real. We hope you find some inspiration, comfort, or new ideas to try in your own self-care routine.

Brianna, adoptive mom of two

My capacity for self-care changes every day. It helps to have a bunch of strategies so I can almost always find SOMETHING that will fit. It’s taken me a long time to find what works for me. Here are some of my go-tos:

• Gardening: I can get lost for hours in my garden or my orchid collection, but even taking a few moments to deadhead a flower or smell my lavender refreshes my spirits. I spend all day in front of the computer for work, so the exercise and fresh air is great. It’s also very meditative and fun for me. Emphasis on “for me”— some of my neighbours would rather eat their own hats!
• Seeing an experienced and adoption-competent counsellor once a month: It took years to find a good fit, but it’s been life-changing. I wish good counselling wasn’t out of reach for so many people. I can only afford it thanks to a combination of extended health benefits and other sources of help, like post-adoption assistance.
• Watching TV with my partner or my kids: It’s easier for me to relax in someone else’s company. We watch everything from Dune to Love is Blind. My kids are teens now and it’s so much fun to watch things together now.
• SAYING NO: At this stage of my life, I only have the capacity to fully commit to my job, my kids, and myself. When I try to add something, like serving on my co-op’s Board or joining a weekly writing group, I crash and burn. I need some breathing room and down time. It’s surprisingly hard to remember this.
• Adopting a cat: My bedrooms are full, but my heart wasn’t, so I adopted a one-eyed rescue cat. He brings so much love and fun to my home, and he helps me stay regulated when stress or emotions are running high. Bonus: he’ll never grow out of the cuddly stage.

Alison, adoptive mom

• Go on a date with your partner/friend.
• Can your kids go for a sleepover? You might find that you really miss them once they are away!
• Try to have a day of silence when the kids are out, or go for a brisk walk and work up a sweat.
• Buy some lavender essential oil, sprinkle drops in your bath or on your bed sheets, and deeply inhale the relaxing scent.
• Yank out those weeds in your garden; grab ’em and pull, rip ’em out!
• Vent with an adoptive buddy parent.
• Write a “pretend” letter and go for it, get out all your grumbles. Don’t send it though; it’s just for some release!
• Try yoga, tennis, jogging, pottery — whatever works, it’s important to have some kind of outlet or interest, aside from your role as a parent.
• And finally, don’t be afraid of real therapy. You don’t have to be dysfunctional to go. Sometimes gaining some professional insight, validation, advice on parenting techniques, or support an education around our children’s unique needs can be just what your whole family needs and will benefit from.

Dhalia, single mom

Here are a few self-care tips that helped me stay centred as a single parent and get through those challenging days when my kid was young.

• I kept comic strip collections in the bathroom for quick, funny reading for myself and my kid. Baby Blues collections were particularly helpful in reminding me that family life is sometimes hilarious, and that I wasn’t alone.
• Taking a deep breath in and a longer, slower breath out helps with grounding. (Adding a hum on the out-breath can also help activate the “rest and digest” parasympathetic nervous system.)
•  A handmade sign taped to the wall with a loving reminder was great for both of us. My personal favourite, which is still up on my wall, reads: “I am loved. I am safe.”

Keri, mom of one

Taking just a few minutes each day to practice gratitude can shift your mindset and help you notice the little things that make life brighter. Right before bed, try spending five minutes reflecting on three things:

• Something that made you smile
• Something you accomplished (yes — getting dressed counts!)
• Something that made your day better (even a cup of coffee counts!)

This simple practice can help you end the day on a positive note and remind you that even small wins matter.

Christina, mom of two

It’s easy for parents and caregivers to put their own needs last, yet maintaining personal balance is what helps us stay grounded and connected. Try to hold on to the parts of your life that make you you (your hobbies, friendships, or even a regular date night).

Creativity can be a powerful outlet, whether it’s journalling, painting, gardening or cooking something new. Physical movement, in any form, can also help release stress and lift your mood.

Most importantly, remember that self-care doesn’t have to look perfect or fit a schedule. It just needs to bring you back to yourself, even for a few minutes at a time.

Looking for more ways to care for yourself and your family? Check out our article Self-care activities for permanency families for practical ideas.