The Sandison family includes mom, dad, their teenage son, and their youngest daughter, who joined their family through adoption. They shared their journey with us, from opening their hearts to foster care to the life-changing call that their daughter had been born. They reflect on the joys and challenges of adoption, their experience with openness, and how their family grew in unexpected and beautiful ways.
Tell us a little about your family!
My husband and I have been together for 18 years. We have a biological son who is almost 16 and a daughter who joined our family through adoption and just turned four in December. So, we really get the best of both worlds: teenage life and toddler life at the same time.
Adoption was always part of our plan for building our family. I grew up with cousins who were adopted. They were half-siblings adopted at different times, and their parents were able to adopt both of them. Seeing that growing up had a big impact on me.
My husband and I had always imagined having three children. After struggling with infertility, we decided to stop trying to have another child biologically. Not long after that, our daughter came into our lives through adoption.
What was your experience with the adoption process?
Honestly, our process wasn’t very long compared to many others. From the time we started until the adoption was legally finalized, it was about two years. At the same time, we both felt it was still longer than it probably needs to be, especially when there are so many children waiting for permanency.
The process can feel intimidating. Some of the education sessions really focus on the challenges, and at one point, we even wondered if we should stop. It can make you question whether you’re ready. But we’re so glad we kept going. Adoption has been one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives.
We were matched with a wonderful social worker who was very encouraging. She helped make the process feel manageable. She could see how much we wanted to build our family through adoption.
Originally, we weren’t open to fostering with the goal of adoption because we were worried about falling in love with a child who might return to their family. But our social worker gently encouraged us to consider it. About three weeks after we changed our openness, we got a call about a baby who had not yet been born.
It was an unusual and very special experience. We had the chance to meet the birth parents before our daughter was born. They were involved in choosing a family for their daughter. They were voluntarily relinquishing their rights.
Our daughter has two older biological siblings who were already living with their grandparents. The grandparents weren’t able to take on a third child, so the social workers worked with the birth family to help find the right placement.
When we met the birth parents, they immediately said they felt we were the right family. The social worker had to slow things down a bit because there was still a process to follow.
Our daughter was supposed to be born on Christmas Day by C-section. The week before Christmas, we were told that we would likely be the family welcoming her into our home.
I’m a school teacher, and the next morning I was teaching my class thinking I had the weekend to prepare. Then the office called and said there was an urgent phone call. My husband was on the line and said, “We have a daughter.”
She decided to come early. We had about 14 hours from that phone call to becoming parents to a newborn.
What was it like when your daughter was born?
The hospital experience was very thoughtful. The birth family had their own room, and we had ours. Because it was an open adoption, we began caring for our daughter right away. When the birth parents wanted to see her, we would wheel her between the rooms.
One of the hardest moments for me was seeing the birth parents there. They were very young and already had three children under three years old.
I remember feeling so grateful that they chose us. At the same time, I also felt the weight of the loss they were experiencing. Adoption brings joy, but it also comes with loss for many people involved.
Reconciling those feelings has been part of our journey.
Can you share a little about your experience with open adoption?
Open adoption doesn’t have to be scary. Over time, we’ve built relationships with parts of our daughter’s birth family. Her grandparents and siblings come to birthday parties, and sometimes we meet at parks. The birth father has stayed involved, while the birth mother stepped away after the adoption.
It never felt like anyone was taking anything away. Instead, it felt like our families grew.
When we first met her grandmother and siblings, they welcomed our son, too. The grandmother even told the kids, “Here’s your new brother.” So our family didn’t just grow by one child; it grew by many new connections.
What advice would you give to someone considering adoption?
I think the most important thing is to be honest with yourself about your capacity and what you’re comfortable with. Sometimes you don’t know a child’s full medical or genetic history, and there can be surprises. It’s also important to let go of expectations. Try not to picture exactly what your family will look like.
Even when you go in with an open mind, you’ll still be surprised, sometimes in challenging ways and sometimes in really beautiful ways.
For example, we didn’t know our daughter would later be diagnosed with autism. But watching her grow into this incredible little person has been amazing.
At the same time, we were surprised by how much love and support came from our community. When we were still in the hospital, friends and acquaintances went into our house and set everything up. When we came home, there were clothes, a crib, and formula.
We didn’t have to buy diapers or clothing for months because people surrounded us with support.
What has been a highlight of your adoption journey?
Overall, the whole experience has been overwhelmingly wonderful.
One of the biggest highlights has been watching our son become a big brother. He wondered at first if he would love his sister as much as a biological sibling. Now it’s clear that he does — maybe even more
The bond they share is incredible. She follows him everywhere like a little barnacle. Seeing their relationship grow has been one of the most special parts of our journey.
What has been a low point?
One challenging moment was realizing that we don’t have a full picture of our daughter’s background. Even though we have an open adoption, there are still things we don’t know about her medical or family history.
At one point, her birth mother mentioned that our daughter might be Métis. That was something we hadn’t been told before. After sharing that, she stepped away from contact, so we haven’t been able to learn more about that part of our daughter’s story.
It has left us with some uncertainty, especially as our daughter gets older and we think about things like school forms or cultural connections. We want to honour every part of who she is, but it can be hard when you don’t have the full picture.
How did you connect with Belonging Network?
I first came across Belonging Network through Adopt BC Kids.
I’ve used some of the online resources, especially around trauma-informed parenting. I also joined the Facebook group. Reading other families’ experiences was incredibly helpful, especially early on when we had so many questions. It made us feel like we were part of a community we didn’t even realize existed.
Is there anything else you’d like to share with others?
If you’ve ever even had the thought about adopting, I would encourage you to explore it.
Our daughter has changed our lives in the most wonderful ways. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
If adoption is tugging on your heart, there’s probably a reason. Every child deserves to feel loved, safe, and like they belong. And if you can open your heart and home, it’s something truly worth considering.
