We are excited to announce that the Loeffler family has won first place in our 2024 This is Belonging photo contest! Be sure to see their winning photo at the end of this story.
Tell us about your adoption story. What made you decide that adoption was right for you?
In 2020, we received news that we were going to be unable to have biological children. We knew that not expanding our family was not an option, so we quickly started the process of researching the paths of adoption. After many grueling discussions, we decided to adopt through an agency through domestic newborn adoption. We were extremely lucky that from the time we made our first phone call, to the time we brought our daughter home, it only took 10 months!
We were matched with a young couple who chose us to parent their unborn baby. Within a week of being matched, she was born, and we met her when she was just 16 hours old. We spent five wonderful days visiting the hospital to see her and her first parents (biological parents), getting to know some of their story, and vice versa. Our daughter’s birth mom was the one to tell us the baby’s gender, and her birth parents chose her middle name.
Can you tell us a bit about your experience with the adoption process overall?
At first, we were so nervous that everything would take a long time since it was the beginning of COVID. However, at that time, everything was being done online, so the entire home study process was expedited. The ladies we worked with at the Adoption Centre of BC (Kelowna Resource Centre) were absolutely amazing and walked us through the entire process with love and kindness.
What is one piece of advice you would give to those considering adoption or permanency, or are just starting their journey?
Be honest with yourselves. Adoption is about finding the right home for a child. Be realistic about the risk factors you are willing to be exposed to. Do you have the resources and energy to support a child with past trauma and or FASD, etc. And do your research on open adoption. It is not as scary as you think, it is actually quite beautiful.
Can you tell us about one rewarding and one challenging point in your adoption experience?
So far, the rewarding part of adoption for me has been being open about the entire process. I want the stigma around adoption to be changed, and I will tell anyone who will listen our story. I have also met many women in support groups who have reached out to share their stories, hear mine, and ask questions.
A hard part has been the ups and downs of openness. Although beautiful, my version of openness is not always the same as the birth families’ version. So learning to be understanding of the emotions they carry and respecting the changes in the amount of communication that they are open to.
How has the Belonging Network made a difference to your family?
It has been an amazing resource for me in knowing that I am not alone in this journey. Hearing other families’ stories has been very impactful.
What is one thing about adoption that you wish people knew?
It can be so hard to know where to start. But be gentle with those you know who are going through the adoption process. It is a grueling process. Be patient with them, as the stress of the paperwork and the emotions of a homestudy takes brainpower and energy that may leave them depleted at the end of the day. If they are normally the one to plan dinners and events and reach out but suddenly they stop, please do not get mad or shame them for “changing”. Instead, check in, ask questions, or plan the dinner yourself. But whatever you do, please do not abandon them!
