If you’re in the proposal package or family finding stage of adoption and struggling to wrap your head around committing to “forever” with a child based only on a profile or file, you are not alone.
This is one of the most tender and complex moments in the adoption journey. It’s the point where hope meets reality, and where deep questions about connection, responsibility, and readiness naturally rise to the surface.
How can I say yes to forever when I haven’t even met them?
It’s a question that haunts many waiting families. Adoption—especially through permanency or foster systems—asks you to step into parenting not through a shared history or biological tie, but through faith, compassion, and an incredible leap of the heart.
Reading a child’s file can feel clinical. The pages might be heavy with diagnoses, trauma history, or a seemingly endless list of challenges. And yet, somewhere between the bullet points and phrases like “struggles with trust” or “requires structure” is a real child—a human being who is more than what’s written.
It’s normal to wonder:
- Will I feel bonded to this child?
- Am I making a lifelong decision without truly knowing them?
- What if I’m not the right fit?
You’re making a commitment, not a fantasy
Unlike movies or feel-good social media posts, connection in adoption doesn’t always start with a spark. Sometimes it begins with uncertainty, curiosity, and cautious hope. Saying “yes” to being considered or moving forward in the matching process doesn’t mean you’re saying “yes” blindly. It means you’re open. You’re willing to learn more and explore the possibility of a relationship.
You are saying:
“I’m willing to walk toward this child and see if we might belong to each other.”
And that’s a brave, intentional step.
What helps families move forward?
Here are a few affirming thoughts shared by other families who’ve walked this path:
- It’s okay to have doubts. Doubt doesn’t mean you’re unfit or uncommitted. It means you’re thinking deeply and taking the responsibility seriously.
- Files aren’t the full picture. Ask for updated photos, videos, worker insights, or even a Child-Specific Recruitment Worker to help you see and feel who this child is beyond the page.
- Support helps anchor you. Connect with other adoptive families, your social worker, or a therapist who understands adoption. Let them help you process your feelings without judgment.
- Consider joining our Waiting Parents online discussion group, where you can connect and find support from others who understand this stage of the journey.
- Attachment can grow over time. You don’t need to feel an instant “yes” to be the right match. Love in adoption often grows slowly and intentionally.
- You can say no and still be a good person. If you read a file and it doesn’t feel like the right match, that’s okay. Honesty is part of integrity in adoption.
You’re not just picking a child, you’re building a family
Adoption isn’t about choosing the most “ideal” child, it’s about saying, “I’m ready to show up, consistently and compassionately, for a child who needs family.” It’s about seeing potential, yours and theirs, and being willing to face the hard days together.
In closing
If your heart is tugging in multiple directions right now, give yourself grace. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed, cautious, hopeful, and unsure—all at once.
Forever is a big word. But so is belonging. And the truth is, forever doesn’t begin in a file. It begins in the slow, sacred act of showing up, learning, trying, and choosing each other, one step at a time.
For more guidance in navigating the waiting stage, check out our Intentional Waiting: Preparation Ideas for Adoptive Parents article.
