A lifelong journey - Belonging Network

No two families are the same. And as children grow up, the joys and challenges of raising them evolve. The Belonging Network works with adoption and permanency families through every stage of raising children.

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At the Belonging Network, we’ve noticed threads of shared experiences between families that stay connected as they navigate hurdles. Our resources are tailored to the lifelong journey that’s special to adoption and permanency families. Please keep in mind that while some resources focus on adoption, the learnings are relevant to most other kinds of permanency as well. “Permanency” is a newer term, and many of these resources were created before it became more popular.

Continue learning

Keeping the learning journey alive is essential as your child grows up. The Belonging Network has tons of resources and educational opportunities for you to engage with at your own pace.

In the first year of your new family, social workers may visit your home and meet with you and your child. These visits are meant to support children and youth as they adjust to their new normal. For families, this can be a chance to discuss specific aspects of their situation with the social worker, who can often make helpful suggestions and referrals.

There are also usually reports and annual updates to complete with the social worker, though these will become less frequent over time. These kinds of tasks, which you might hear described as “post-placement tasks,” may take place over the course of several months or years — sometimes until the child celebrates their 19th birthday.

Resources:

Resources & Education | Belonging Network

Build connections

Everyone needs a support network. That’s even more true for permanency families, who can often feel alone at challenging times of their journeys. It’s important to develop connections with people who can be there for you. This may be a mix of friends, family, professionals, and other members of the permanency community who live nearby or who you can connect with virtually.

Resources:

The journey of a lifetime: Why adoptive families need support | Belonging Network
Online support groups | Belonging Network
Community groups in BC | Belonging Network
Adoption reunion support network | Forget Me Not Society
It’s okay to reachout for help (video) | No Matter What Families
Take time to recharge (video) | No Matter What Families

Your child will also need to develop their own support network as they make sense of their new identity and environment. There are many local and online groups for youth who have been separated from their birth families.

Resources for youth:

Homepage | AgedOut
Homepage | The Federation of BC Youth in Care Networks
Homepage | Youth in Care Canada

Find support

Strong connections can take time to form. As you build your community, know that the Belonging Network is also here for you from day one. Our Family Support team offers free, confidential, one-on-one support to help your family grow and thrive wherever you’re at in your journey.

Contact Family Support team

Get support

If the going gets tough…

Children in a permanency family tend to face more challenges in life, from trauma to discrimination. Much has been written on these topics to help family members be there for one another.

Resources & Education

Mental health

Children joining adoptive or permanency families are more likely to have been impacted by loss, trauma, and physical or emotional disruptions to their lives. It’s crucial to support both your mental health as well as your child’s.

Learn more:

Mental health | Belonging Network
Early adversity and mental health | Belonging Network
Adoptees and suicide risk | Belonging Network
Mindfulness for youth | Belonging Network
Navigating anxiety | Belonging Network
Depression in adopted teens | Belonging Network
Adoption and suicide prevention | United Suicide Survivors International
Self-harming behaviors | Foster Care & Adoption Resource Center
Finding and working with adoption-competent therapists | Child Welfare Information Gateway

Parenting a child with trauma

A child with trauma has gone through a distressing event that ends up having a long-lasting impact on their sense of safety. Trauma is different for everyone. Not every distressing event results in trauma, and the same event may traumatize one child, but not another.

Children who join adoptive or permanency families have often experienced trauma. That’s why it’s important to learn how to parent in a trauma-informed way. Trauma-informed parenting is about understanding how to respond to your child’s trauma. It involves showing them how to emotionally regulate and express themselves in a healthy way, all with a lot of patience and love.

Resources:

The language of hurt kids | Belonging Network
Ask the expert: Trauma-informed care | Belonging Network
Trauma matters | Belonging Network
Tools to help my child | Canadian Consortium on Child and Youth Trauma
Parenting a child who has experienced trauma | Child Welfare Information Gateway
Trauma-informed parenting video series with Cindy Lee (video) | Focus on the Family

Race and transracial families

In a transracial adoptive family, the child joins a family that is of a different race or ethnicity. Transracial adoptees are likely to experience racism and prejudice, as well as some unique tensions around their identity and sense of belonging.

Do support your child to develop a healthy connection with their culture. This should also involve discussing the realities of race and racism with your child in an age-appropriate way.

Resources:

Racism and your child | Belonging Network
How one adoptive family handles racism | Belonging Network
Black lives matter in Canada too | Belonging Network
BC transracial adoptee shares her story | Belonging Network
Race and transracial parenting (Video) | No Matter What Families
The adopted life with Angela Tucker | YouTube channel
Adoptees on positive racial identity (Podcast) | Adoptees On
Homepage | Embrace Race
Transracial parenting training | NACAC
How to be an anti-racist adoptive parent | Adoptive Families
Parenting in racially and culturally diverse adoptive families | Child Welfare Information Gateway
Promoting healthy cultural identity | Foster Care & Adoption Resource Center

Overcoming challenges with food

Food and mealtimes are where so much of human connection happens, including with our families. But children who have experienced trauma, loss, or food insecurity can end up developing a challenging relationship with food and eating. When you are food-insecure, you don’t have reliable access to enough food to get you through the day.

Behaviours like hiding or stealing food, eating very quickly, or becoming protective over their food can be signs of anxiety or trauma. Regulating the behaviour can worsen things, but addressing the trauma that lies underneath the behaviour will help your child improve their relationship with food.

Resources:

Love me, feed me: part one | Belonging Network
Love me, feed me: part two | Belonging Network
Healing from food insecurity: Beyond the stash | North American Council of Adoptable Children
Adoptees on food insecurity (Podcast) | Adoptees On
What do these behaviours mean? | Coalition for Children, Youth and Families

Addressing bullying at school

School can present extra challenges for children and youth from care. Being adopted can put a bully’s target on a child’s back. Dealing with this while trying to get settled into a new life and sense of self can be a lot to handle. There are many resources geared towards addressing bullying as an adoptee or adoptive family.

Resources:

Adopted voice: Finding silver linings | Belonging Network
Back to school resources | Belonging Network
Erase bullying | Province of B.C.
Adoption and school issues | Child Welfare Information Gateway
Preparing your child for school | Foster Care & Adoption Resource Center
School success | North American Council of Adoptable Children

Advocating for your child

Adoptive and permanency families can find themselves advocating for their children in systems such as education and healthcare in order to ensure that their child’s needs are met. These resources offer tools for effective communication and strategies to navigate advocacy both in day-to-day life and in a broader context.

Resources:

Filling in the blanks | Belonging Network
4 steps to effective advocacy | Belonging Network
Homepage | North American Council on Adoptable Children
Advocacy for adoption asistance | North American Council on Adoptable Children